Readers, I hear you breathing!
Thank you for following my blog! I write it for me, but I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit I also write it for you. Even though I can’t “see” you on my comment board, I know you’re there and I can hear you breathing.
How? The rodents who live inside Word Press tell me you’re there. (I imagine they’re similar to the ones who operate Fred Flintstone’s washing machine – less creepy snaggle-toothed, more adorable hamster-like.) They create pretty bar graphs to tell me how often you’re reading, when and what. Not who though. No, no, please don’t panic! I don’t know who you are. It’s not like Evite invitations where I can detect lurkers’ identities. (And speaking of, if you ever want to get yourself un-invited from a party, just check your Evite invitation every day for three weeks, stalking the RSVP list, so you look like a total psycho. That’ll do it.)
So I’ll make you a deal. I dream of a blog where comments flow like clear water in a babbling brook. Where I offer a forum for people to purge their childhood memories into cyber space for the amusement of all mankind. This is where you come in. See that comment area at the bottom? That’s right; leave ‘em there. If you don’t, it’s like hanging up on the answering machine. You can even use an alias! Like Max Headroom. (I give points for obscure pop culture references.) But, please, keep them relatively nice. I barely survived junior high, so I’m still very fragile (see Mayberry or Hooterville).
Here’s what’s in it for you. I happen to own a scanner. Ta-da!
The more comments I receive, the more bad photos I reveal. I’m talking some doozies. Photos that’ll make you cringe, weep with pity, and sing praises to God that all you had were bad acne and a mullet. True, everyone had awkward years. But I had awkward decades. Here are the levels I possess, courtesy of the Marcia Archives.
Level 1: Unkempt appearance or bad clothes, though still resembling cute.
Level 2: Bad or asymmetrical perms.
Level 3: Awkwardness that would make bad perms look good.
I even have, Bonus Level: Humiliating writings and/or drawings.
That’s right. More comments from you and more of Level 3 from me. Yes, sir, that’s one promise I will keep.
Now, I’m hearing some mutterings like, “I’m at work and I can’t appear suspicious by typing on a blog.” First off, shame on you. Second, here’s another way you can help. I’m taking a poll on what you want to read about in my blog. Dig in.
Thank you for your feedback! I’ll try my best to make you proud.