Love and Other Contagious Diseases
I’ll be honest. I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day. My husband already does all the gloppy flowers and ooey-gooey love letter stuff on tons of other days of the year (he wanted me to let you know this). So who cares about one smelly ol’ day out of 365? But then, I didn’t want to seem like that absent-minded grade school teacher who forgot to change her bulletin board from the construction paper snowman to the pink doily hearts. So here you go, in the name of love.
A flashback on ten of my favorite love moments from the screen . . .
1.) Maddie takes up with David (Moonlighting). One of TV’s best Jump the Shark moments. And then once they got all that beautiful love out there in the open, the sexual tension died, the chemistry depleted, the ratings tanked, and the show became utterly pointless. And that right there, folks, shows the power of love. It can move mountains, can’t it?
2.) Mindy takes up with Mork (Mork & Mindy). This TV couple had zero on-screen chemistry. Which I blame largely on rainbow suspenders. But I didn’t care. The most important thing was that their love tore down social barriers. That’s right, it paved the way for aliens to mate with humans. Which, according to Weekly World News, had already been going on for years, just not on television.
3.) Benji impregnates Tiffany (For the Love of Benji). Where is Bob Barker and his soap box when you need them? Although, who really cares about controlling the pet population when it comes down to two crazy kids in love. If by “in love” you also mean “in heat”.
4.) Skippy and Mallory get locked in a basement (Family Ties). Poor nerdy Skippy. He could never get a shot with his beloved, the beautiful Mallory. But then, his big break. They get trapped in a basement. (Hubba hubba.) They’re all alone. (Is it getting steamy in here?) And the basement has no heat. (Why are the windows fogging up?) And they need to find a way to keep warm. (Rrrrrrrrrow.) So they, um, put on some chipmunk costumes.
5.) Bobby kisses Millicent (Brady Bunch). After their kiss, the Bradys worry that Bobby may have caught the Mumps from Millicent. Tragic. What I like about this episode is that it taught us kids that there may be a price to pay even with just one innocent kiss. And this very special kiss dovetailed perfectly with the very special episode where Greg contracts syphilis.
6.) Whitley takes up with Dwayne Wayne (A Different World). This TV couple had zero on-screen chemistry. (See Mork and Mindy, above, but substitute “flippy sunglasses” for “rainbow suspenders”.) And her voice felt like barbecue skewers being jammed in my eardrums, followed by a rinse of tobasco sauce. Yet their love changed the world. You might say it was then a different world. You might say this would be a great name for a show and a catchy opening theme song. You might wonder whatever happened to Lisa Bonet.
7.) Tyler takes up with Becca (Life Goes On). You cannot possibly remember this early ‘90s show. You cannot possibly share my understanding of why this was such a lovely love moment. So what. All you really need to know is that (A) Tyler has a mullet, and (B) Becca loved him despite his mullet. Amazing, that thing called love.
8.) Kermit marries Miss Piggy (The Muppets Take Manhattan). Yeah, the marriage thing was pretty great. But what really made my heart grow three sizes larger was the surprise moment when someone yells, “Open Sesame!” And then a wall in the chapel moves aside and the Sesame Street gang joins the Muppet Show gang for the big day. Geez, now I’m verklempt. Give me a moment. Not quite done. Stop looking at me. Oh, great, here comes the waterworks.
9.) Sam takes up with Diane (Cheers). I’m putting this in here because if I didn’t someone would pipe up and say, But you forgot about Sam and Diane. Really, I didn’t care a lick about their love. If you want to know the truth, I was rooting for Carla.
10.) Sophia gets laid (Golden Girls). True, this geriatric steam bath may have massacred every shred of my libido. But despite this, I couldn’t be happier that the old bag finally got, well, bagged.
Happy Love Day! Have fun, avoid the Mumps and please have your pets spayed or neutered.
**All photos taken without permission from several junky, amateur websites that also took these photos without permission.**