Because nobody likes a baby…
I’ve been known to be competitive. I fondly remember a game of tag I played with my much younger cousin. I was “It”. Soon after, she ran inside crying and told her parents I had hit her. Of course I didn’t hit her. I’m just that good at tag.
So there’s this other game of tag circulating. It’s sort of like a get-to-know-you chain letter. You might recall these things were once forwarded through email, back when people actually used email. Then these same things migrated over to Facebook where I thought they had died. Well, it seems we within the WordPress blogosphere are not immune. Because my favorite blogger Speaker7, just tagged me. (Et tu, Brute?) I about started to cry and thought about running to tell my parents. But then I decided to just go with it since nobody likes a baby.
So for those playing, here are the rules:
1.) You must post the rules.
2.) Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
3.) Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
4.) Let them know you’ve tagged them.
My questions from Speaker7:
1.) Which member of the Backstreet Boys are you most like?
Since the Backstreet Boys came out after my era of teen idol worshipping, I have only a vague memory of the members of that band. I’d say I’m most like whichever one sported the least amount of hair gel.
2.) What did Bruce Jenner do to his face?
I think the question should be, “What didn’t he do to his face?” Or better yet, “What does he still have left to do to his face?” And that answer would be “tattooed eyeliner”.
3.) Please explain what a Kim Kardashian is and why anyone would know what a Kim Kardashian is?
I don’t have cable TV, so I can only guess what a Kim Kardashian is. In a past blog post, I surmised that a Kardashian was a tacky, foul-smelling flower purchased for prom dates to demonstrate their stance against teen abstinence.
4.) How doomed are we?
In college, I had an emphasis in Philosophy. According to what I learned, the average lifespan of an empire is about 250 years. And then my Philosophy instructor Dr. Martin would point out that the final days of the Roman Empire included women having sex with donkeys for public entertainment. So based on these historical references, I would answer “start building your bunker”.
5.) Is Ryan Seacrest a robot or is he something less artificial?
Taking note of his large protruding brow bone, my theory is that Ryan Seacrest was frozen in a tar pit thousands of years ago while out hunting Woolly Mammoths. In 2002, he was unfrozen by a special team of television producers to replace Dick Clark. (See also Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.)
6.) Why isn’t Rush Limbaugh kicked in the nuts daily?
Because I don’t live close enough to his home in Palm Beach, Florida.
7.) Which religion is correct?
Whichever religion sides against the Westboro Baptist Church.
8.) Can you think of someone who is worse than the current slate of Republican presidential candidates?
Yes. I’ve long felt (and expressed here) that Mayor McCheese is our country’s best hope for the future. So, based on his impressive candidacy, I would expect the worst candidate would be Mayor McCheese’s polar opposite — the Hamburglar. There’s something about him I don’t trust.
9.) Why do people enjoy the book Twilight?
Because of its wholesome metaphor for abstinence. “I love you so much and that’s why I can’t succumb to my primal urge to bite you.” That and people enjoy angst.
10.) What’s up?
A tiny piece of the orthodontics reinforcement contraption that’s permanently glued behind my teeth just popped out and now I feel a piercing sharp wire rubbing against my tongue every time I talk, chew or swallow. Other than that, not much.
11.) How many Academy Awards will Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance win?
I would expect it’ll win about as many awards as Freddy Got Fingered received. But I may be overshooting that a bit.
Okay, so rather than tag 11 people who might start crying and tell their parents, I’ll keep things painless. If you have read my blog the past week, consider yourself tagged. If you don’t want to play, pretend that this is the first time we’ve met. Hello? Come here often? No. And I’ll never say another word about it.
Here are my questions, should you choose to play:
(You may post your answers on your own blog or answer in the comment section below.)
1.) Worst piece of high school uniform: The white vinyl marching band shoes or the polyester gym teacher pants?
2.) What is one word that is always awkward for you to spell? (Akward? Awkword?)
4.) What old TV theme song will be burned in your brain for all of eternity?
5.) Who shot J.R. Ewing?
6.) In 10,000 years when archaeologists study our civilization, how will they interpret this?
7.) Whatever happened to the Bradys’ cat Fluffy?
9.) Leather, a mullet and the color turquoise. Who wore it better? MacGyver . . .
. . . or John Stamos?
10.) If nutrition did not matter, what processed breakfast cereal would you eat every morning for the rest of your life?
11.) If Train A leaves the station at 6:00 P.M. traveling west at 80 mph, and Train B leaves the same station 3 hours later traveling west at 100 mph and if we cannot correctly answer this question, what is the probability that we will succeed at microwaving enough bowls of Ramen noodles to sustain ourselves through five years of college?