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I’m Baaaaack!

March 18, 2012

I’ve been absent the past week.  No, my new live-in blog intern did not kidnap me.  No, I am not drunk in a closet somewhere (thanks, Darla).  And yes, I’m alive and kicking.

Oh, have you noticed I’ve been gone?  That’s so sweet.

Oh, you didn’t?  That’s okay.

Oh, you don’t know me or where you are, and you thought this was a website where you could order vintage Cabbage Patch dolls?  Easy mistake.  (Now run off and get yourself a life.  Quick.  I speak from experience.)   

Please don’t think I’m irresponsible.  I would’ve definitely followed the proper procedures, said So Long!, promised to send postcards, had you sign necessary permission slips and the like, had I been able to tell you in advance that I was leaving.

But my husband wouldn’t let me.

Easy there, Gloria Steinem.

I mean, he had a valid point.  He was afraid if I were to announce to the masses of my 36 readers that I’d be leaving town for a week, it would make our house susceptible to burglary.  So he kindly suggested that I not shout it from the rooftops of the blogosphere.

You see, we have so many valuable things in our house that thieves are always wanting to get their grubby hands on, always waiting in the wings for us to leave unguarded for them to steal.

Specifically, our priceless personal collection of cassette tapes, CDs, DVDs, framed printed copies of famous paintings, Disney Princess Barbies, Le Creuset cookware.

Do you have any idea how expensive this crap is?  Do you have any idea the black market value of this kind of crap?  I don’t.  But I’m pretty sure just the other day I spotted a shady-looking person selling cast iron enamel cookware out of a van in an alley.  Or it might’ve been boxes of Girl Scout cookies.  I’ll admit I didn’t get a good look.

At any rate, just like Poltergeist, I’m back.  And just like Poltergeist, I’ll be beaming out of your screen again in no time flat.  And I promise I’ll make it up to you in a way that doesn’t involve skeletons emerging from your unfinished backyard swimming pool.

Unless that’s the sort of thing you’d like.  Then here.

I missed you too.

56 Comments leave one →
  1. russelllindsey permalink
    March 18, 2012 12:59 pm

    I thank you for coming back – and the Poltergeist references! Welcome back! If no one else missed you, I certainly did.


    • March 19, 2012 8:02 pm

      I try to put at least one Poltergeist reference into a blog post every few weeks. I enjoy wallowing in my past torture. It’s my true medium.

      • russelllindsey permalink
        March 20, 2012 7:21 pm

        I love Poltergeist and all of your references to it! I can see it is your true medium.


  2. russelllindsey permalink
    March 18, 2012 1:00 pm

    Reblogged this on Ramblings of a Misguided Blonde and commented:
    Very happy to have Angie Z. back on the scene, complete with Poltergeist references.

    • March 19, 2012 8:03 pm

      Thanks, Lindsey. You should be in PR.

      • russelllindsey permalink
        March 20, 2012 7:20 pm

        Thanks Angie. The problem with that is that I’m no good at faking it – at all.


  3. March 18, 2012 1:05 pm

    I missed you too. And I promise, if you tell me next time you’re going away, I won’t steal your Le Creuset cookware; I can’t lift it.

    Welcome back.

  4. March 18, 2012 1:59 pm

    Glad you’re back! You were as missed as Suzanne Somers when she left Three’s Company. The show was never the same.

    • March 19, 2012 8:08 pm

      You have no idea how much it means to me to be the Chrissy of my blog. I always knew I was neither Cindy, Terri or E-Z from Three’s A Crowd. I had a sneaking suspicion I might be Mr. Angelino but this is much better.

      • March 20, 2012 9:12 am

        And if you were the Darren of Bewitched, we’d DEFINITELY notice if they switched you out with another Darren. Like we weren’t supposed to even NOTICE that he was a totally different guy??? HELLO??

      • March 21, 2012 7:51 pm

        The first Darren was way better because he was way more neurotic. The second Darren had a much bigger head. Otherwise I practically didn’t notice. Sort of like how you haven’t noticed that I switched myself out with my twin-like cousin Amy. I’m the much classier one of the two. I’m the one who likes crepes suzette. A hot dog does not make me lose control.

  5. March 18, 2012 3:44 pm

    Excuse me while I stand in front of our bedroom mirror with my gut hanging out doing a ‘before’ and ‘after’ image of weight loss. (Best scene ever.)
    Welcome baaaaaaack!

    • March 19, 2012 8:11 pm

      Is that in the first one or second? Why am I not remembering this (other than the fact that I was traumatized and blocked out most of it)? The only mirror scene I recall is the one where the guy stands in front of a medicine cabinet watching his face fall off into meat-colored Play-Doh.

      • March 19, 2012 9:19 pm

        It’s the Mom and Dad, and I think they had just finished smoking pot. It’s the first one. The Dad is the guy from the TV show Parenthood.

      • March 19, 2012 9:21 pm

        That scene sounds familiar now that you mention the pot part. Yes, I remember the mom and dad (aka Coach) quite well. And I believe mom also smoked pot in The Big Chill :)

  6. March 18, 2012 5:30 pm

    Glad you’re back. Thought you were having a mourning period after the passing of Davy Jones.

    • March 19, 2012 8:14 pm

      Five days ago I was in a Texas grocery store reading the special Davy Jones People magazine and considering whether I should drink myself into a closet for a few days. So you and Darla nearly guessed right, just out of sequence.

  7. March 18, 2012 5:45 pm

    I’ve been needing to take a week off, but I am sure everyone will forget me. So I’ll be checking back in tomorrow to count your “likes”. If you do okay, maybe I’ll risk it. (but maybe not… )

    • March 19, 2012 8:19 pm

      I don’t think anyone here actually remembers me. They’re all doing that thing you do when someone pretends to know you and you can’t be sure whether they’re your drive-up bank teller, your nephew or the guy that sells black velvet paintings outside of the 7-11.

      By the way, I’m none of those people in case you’re wondering.

      P.S. Take a week off. You deserve it.

  8. March 18, 2012 5:48 pm

    Whew. That is a relief. After you posted you needed a blog assistant…then Davy Jones passed…then you disappeared for an entire week (gasp!)…plus it was St. Patrick’s Day. Well, I put two and two together and figured you were drunk. My bad.

    Welcome back.

    Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back….(sung in my best Mr. Kotter voice)

    • March 19, 2012 8:22 pm

      You’re right. I almost feel myself going into an emotional downward spiral just reading your recap of my past two weeks. And then you had to go and bring up Welcome Back, Kotter. And you know how I’m still mourning Epstein. Does the pain ever end?

  9. March 18, 2012 5:51 pm

    My wife noticed I was acting strangely, but I didn’t want to tell her it was because you weren’t blogging. So now everything’s back to normal. I thought maybe you were on vacation, which is why my wife and I broke in and checked out your Frenchly named pots and pans.
    She didn’t see anything she liked that much.
    Welcome back!

    • March 19, 2012 8:26 pm

      It’s really amazing that anyone has continued to plug away at life without me around here. I’m quite shocked that no one tried to break into my place and bash out their own brains with one of my Frenchly named pans.

  10. Tony permalink
    March 18, 2012 6:50 pm

    I’m sad you’re back because that means you’re not HERE anymore. :(

    • March 19, 2012 8:28 pm

      I’m really sad, too. But I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit that this mostly has to do with Davy Jones.

  11. March 18, 2012 9:02 pm

    Welcome back!

  12. Emily permalink
    March 18, 2012 10:23 pm

    Welcome back, Angie… was the trip?

    • March 19, 2012 8:30 pm

      Long. Tiring. Long. Hellish. But the destination part was great. Thanks!

  13. March 18, 2012 11:05 pm

    Ah, so this was why I’ve been inexplicably on edge for the past week and blogging incessantly… and I thought it was just my male time of the month.

    Good to have you back. Was that last photo from your your trip? :P

    • March 19, 2012 8:34 pm

      I hope you haven’t been unnecessarily cruel to the people around you these past few days. If so, by all means put the blame on me.

      Yes, I did travel to visit ancient burial grounds that happened to be located in someone’s unfinished backyard swimming pool. Didn’t you get my postcard?

  14. John-Paul permalink
    March 19, 2012 2:51 am

    Wow, you have super polite readers. Whenever I go somewhere no one even notices. Still, it saves on buying people gifts. Nice to have you back.

    • March 19, 2012 8:39 pm

      I know — aren’t they unbelievably kind? Most of them hardly remember me by now, yet they’re nice enough to smile and nod along. I can assure you that a lot of people would notice if you left town. Undecimus at the very least.

  15. March 19, 2012 6:44 am

    I’m in love with your blog!

  16. March 19, 2012 7:12 am

    Yay, you’re back!

    • March 19, 2012 8:40 pm

      Guess what? No one on my trip barfed in any New Year’s Eve hats. Or even in any St. Patty’s Day hats. I call that a success!

  17. March 19, 2012 8:43 am

    Love the lead photo. We missed you and I didn’t steal any cookware.

    • March 19, 2012 8:41 pm

      That photo resembles how I feel right now. Comfortably sucked right back into my warm fuzzy screen.

  18. March 19, 2012 9:21 am

    I am glad you are baaaack!

    • March 19, 2012 8:43 pm

      I should’ve taken a swing through South Dakota and said hello — it would’ve been a mighty long detour but it would’ve been tons of fun just the same.

  19. March 19, 2012 9:59 am

    So glad you’ve back, and yes, you’ve been very missed! How was the vacation?

    • March 19, 2012 8:44 pm

      Splendid. Thoroughly decompressed and now ready to return to the compression.

  20. March 19, 2012 6:12 pm

    Glad you’re back! :) I would have been all over your cassette tapes had I found out your were away from your house! ;)

    • March 19, 2012 8:47 pm

      How do you feel about Ace of Base? Positive K? Warrant? Tiffany? Those are the highlights of my collection.

  21. March 20, 2012 9:16 am

    I don’t think I know anyone who owns actual Le Creuset cookware. I picked up a knock-off pot once at an auction and brought it proudly home to my hubby. He looked at the maker, saw it wasn’t Le Creuset and actually sneered – a cold, cruel, curl of the lip.

    I think my swanky-factor just jumped 10-fold by association. (p.s. welcome back)

    • March 21, 2012 7:56 pm

      Okay, so my mother-in-law bought me most of the arm-and-a-leg Le Creuset pieces. The rest I got at extreme discount. Sorry to bring your swankiness down a notch. Although, I feel rather swanky myself for knowing someone who owns a genuinely classy green plaid blazer (bonus: polyester)!

  22. April 1, 2012 1:33 am

    And to think, everyone was putting together a search party, glad you we got to call off the body search dogs… LOL

    • April 3, 2012 10:43 am

      Ah, that makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside to think that you brought out the cadaver dogs and everything!

  23. pmg permalink
    May 30, 2015 4:00 pm


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