Pop Rocks: 400 Words Or Less
After doing nothing, I want to do more nothing.
I don’t have time to write. You don’t have time to read.
Unless you’re in prison. (What’s up, Peg!) Then all you have is time. In which case you might not appreciate this new leaf I’m about to turn over.
I need to cut back the length of my blog posts. They’re too long. They’re too blathery. They’re too my-husband-is-going-to-divorce-me-if-I-don’t-get-off-the-computer.
My last blog post was over 1,000 words. 1,000 words? I didn’t even know I knew 1,000 words. I can’t even count 1,000 words. Okay, I probably can but I don’t have time to.
So my new leaf is this. Every week, starting today, I will write at least one of my weekly blog posts (on any given topic) in — get this! — 400 words or less.
I’ve never written a blog post that’s 400 words or less.
I can’t order a pizza in 400 words or less.
This doesn’t mean I won’t continue offering my usual ridiculously wordy posts that you’ve come to
resent enjoy. But I’ll make damn sure the very next one will be 400 words or less. But then I’ll follow that one with another of my ridiculously wordy posts that you’ve come to delete from your inbox enjoy.
Oh, c’mon! Get off my back! What do you people want from me? I can’t change overnight.
But I am going to give it the ol’ college try. Starting now.
Okay. Pop rocks. Here we go. In 400 words or less. How many words do I have left? How many words did I waste in my 400 words or less opening? Now my heart is racing and it’s like I’m on Super Password and Bert Convy is staring at me and the buzzer is about to sound. I wig out when I’m being timed and that’s when my mind starts deteriorating into Twinkie fluff because pretty soon I’m thinking about Twinkie fluff and What the hell is in Twinkie fluff? and then I’m hungry for Twinkie fluff and then I realize my SAT test is over and I never figured out what time Train A will reach Boston and then there goes my scholarships and pretty much my entire career. Let’s see. Pop rocks. They’re crackley. Huh? Oh.
I’ll do better next time.
Next time — Yentl: 400 Words or Less