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“I See Dead People!”: Worst Field Trip Ever

April 23, 2012

Breathe in deeply.  Smell that?  Smells good, doesn’t it.

That’s the smell of hands-on learning.

Which curiously enough smells a lot like school bus exhaust.

Because it’s that time again!  It’s time to go on class field trips, everyone!

Yes, it’s time to pack a brown bag lunch and choose a hand-holding partner.

It’s time to collect pond algae, tour the honey factory and see a bill become a law.

And it’s time to visit the site of a hanging and gawk at mangled corpses.

This was my class field trip.  I was 9.

Still innocent. Photo taken a semester before I saw old mangled corpses.

I grew up in rural Nebraska with few options for educational sightseeing.  We could go to a cattle feedlot.  We could visit a nursing home.  We could tour the town Dairy Corner and learn how to make the swirly thing form on top of the ice cream.

Or we could go see dead people.  Because we had plenty of those lying around.

First our class heard some historical background.  It was the Olden Days.  Way back.  And the cattle ranchers and the homesteaders were all up in each other’s business.  A few of the cattle ranchers said that two of the homesteaders took a few of their cows.  Their names were Mitchell and Ketchum.

Which we unanimously changed to Mustard and Ketchup.

Of course we did.

So the cattle ranchers decided to take matters into their own hands, because after all this was the Olden Days.  A gun fight ensued, naturally, and the cattle ranchers kidnapped and hung Mustard and Ketchup from a tree.  Or maybe that was later.

Because then it gets worse.  Because then somebody had the grand idea of setting them on fire.  I don’t think they were dead yet.  I can’t remember that part.  I don’t want to anyway.  And then after all of this, people took pictures of the corpses for gawking purposes because people back in the Olden Days always took pictures of the corpses for gawking purposes because everyone in the Olden Days wanted everyone in the Modern Days to look back and think that life back in the Olden Days must’ve really, really sucked.

Because it really, really did.

But right before we left for our trip, we had to pass around the historical book with the pictures of the mangled corpses.

Please note this is a recreation and not the actual photograph.

And then our entire 3rd grade class trekked 23 miles to the town where it all went down.  We got to see the infamous tree where Mustard and Ketchup were hung.  We got to see a headstone or two.  And we got to see an old house with bullet holes.

And then, while looking at the old house with bullet holes, the woman who lived there (I’ll call her Betty) thought she should talk about the murder part again and that it would be nice to pass around the historical book again with the pictures of the mangled corpses.  Did everyone get to see it?  Did you get to see it?  Make sure everyone gets to see it.  And then it was suddenly getting to be all too much for me to handle and I was on the brink of tears and I started feeling sick to my stomach from the intensity of everything I was witnessing.

So I did what any normal kid would do while on the brink of her own psychological demise.

I heckled Betty.

As Betty went to hand off the book, I yelled, “Oh, no!  Not that book again!  Not right before lunch!”  Which was answered by some approving snickers.

My teacher, who was as terrifying as an Olden Days cattle rancher, shot a look back at me with her dead, creepy eyes and then took off on a rant that made a turn of the century mangled corpse seem adorably harmless.

Please note this is a recreation and not the actual photograph.

“YOU!  Go sit on the bus!  NOW!  YOU!  Go sit on the bus!  NOW!  YOU!”  Index finger pointing.  Head vein pulsing.  Kids’ mouths gaping.  The works.

I’d never been a “Go sit on the bus!” kid.  Never.  Ever.  Not even once.  So I just stood there in shock.  Completely frozen.  I wasn’t moving unless she made me.  Which posed a problem.  Should she pick me up?  Should she drag me there?  Should she hang me from a tree?  But not before she set me on fire?

Perhaps due to the nature of our field trip, she let me live.  It would be inappropriate otherwise.

So she finished me off with, “Alright, then you better SHAPE UP!”  Index finger pointing.  Head vein pulsing.  Kids’ mouths gaping.  The works.

And then we got to look at the pictures of the mangled corpses again.

Please note this is a recreation and not the actual photograph.

It may be unnecessary to explain my upset — but I’d like to point out that turn of the century photographs, with a special emphasis on those depicting human peril, just so happen to be on my Top Five Worst Visual Nightmares list — which would easily beat out (5.) Porcelain Dolls and (4.) Abandoned Warehouse Mannequins and even (3.) Cymbal-Bashing Monkeys, though probably not (1.) Rasputin due to the obvious fact that he also resided in the turn of the century and was pretty much the personification of Satan.

So I’m talking that level of upset.

Following the infamous Mustard and Ketchup field trip, I had nightmares for weeks upon weeks and kept a light on in the hallway while I slept.  At one point I believed Mustard and Ketchup had actually wandered into my bedroom, were standing by me at eye level, an elbow against my mattress, and telling me how they really liked my bunk bed.  Was I using the bottom bunk?  It sure didn’t look like I was.  Could they rest a while?  They’d had an awfully hard day.  Which was already apparent to me because they were missing limbs.

And so the Mustard and Ketchup tragedy would make its mark in my own history book — as one of the most horrendous forms of school-sponsored torture ever experienced in my young life.  In fact, on a Top Five School-Sponsored Tortures list, it would fall just after (1.) Forced Group Showers in Junior High Gym Class.  Though well ahead of (5.) Senior Term Paper, (4.) Cat Dissection and (3.) Mandatory Speech Class.

96 Comments leave one →
  1. April 23, 2012 6:18 am

    In Jr High we went on a field trip to “a lab.” The guy that worked in this “lab” pulled out a dish with a severed thumb in it. I was blue. He followed that up with- hold on- a woman’s cancerous breast. While everyone else threw up I transformed in to the next science geek. Good times.

    • April 24, 2012 11:42 am

      I would’ve been wishing for a severed thumb over seeing mangled corpses! I’d say, bring on the severed thumbs and throw in some organs while you’re at it! I was supposed to go see a cadaver in 11th grade with my Applied Life Science class — that didn’t happen because of some unrelated issue with the medical center. But I can’t say I wasn’t relieved.

  2. April 23, 2012 6:26 am

    Damn, I had a boring childhood.

    • April 24, 2012 11:43 am

      Don’t fret about it. “Boring” sounds so . . . let’s see, how do I say it . . . sane.

  3. April 23, 2012 6:33 am

    Holy sh*t! We went to the zoo or a science center where you got to stick you hand on that staticky ball and see your hair go all staticky. Who was your school’s superintendent? Wes Craven?

    Loved the recreation photos btw.

    I was so with you with the fear you felt from a teaching screaming.”The works” –yes that. I was not a sit-on-the-bus kid either and one time in first grade, I was sent out in the hall for doing work without waiting to hear the directions and it traumatized me to the point where it felt like I was going to be hung from a tree and set on fire. I have scant memories of first grade, and that’s one of them. Full-color, vivid, mustard-and-ketchup bottles covered in mud memories of it.

    • April 24, 2012 11:46 am

      Getting “sent out in the hall for doing work without waiting to hear the directions”?! What the hell. That is a total crock of holding back an overachiever nonsense. I got pulled out in the hall in 1st grade for writing an essay about poop. At the time, it was the scariest day of my life — though I should’ve sensed it would one day lead to greatness.

  4. April 23, 2012 7:21 am

    Best field trip ever! But I wish you had left out those horrible photographs. Now I will have nightmares.

    • April 24, 2012 11:50 am

      I know! I have to admit that while I was in my backyard carefully arranging the grisly scene, I felt quite a bit disturbed by the sight.

  5. Tony permalink
    April 23, 2012 8:39 am

    After the season was over our little league coach took the team on a tour of the slaughterhouse where he worked. Mercifully, our family happened to be out of town but I heard stories from the rest of my horrified teammates.

    • April 24, 2012 11:52 am

      That seems like a very bad idea. Your little league coach must’ve either been a sadistic jerk or a benevolent man who wanted to convert the entire world into vegetarians.

  6. rose permalink
    April 23, 2012 8:48 am

    Haha…now I know that boring trip we took to the new post office opening in 1968 was really really boring ! And you left out the smell of the kid puke and that stuff they always sprinkle on it that you have to put up with during the bus ride home. It always happens….

    • April 24, 2012 2:28 pm

      Oh, Rose. Thank you so much for reminding me of that smell. I remember it smelled like orange baby aspirin. I am so thankful that I was only once the cause of that smell. Fortunately it was in a classroom and not on a bus.

      You went to a new post office opening! Exciting! Unfortunately, there are so many closing today (sigh). A field trip to a post office closing. Saddest Field Trip Ever.

  7. April 23, 2012 9:07 am

    I feel your pain and all, but the really important thing here is…you should SO totally make a coffee table book with these great photos. You could add mayo oozing white pus, jars of pickle relish staggering down the street: The Zombie Condiment Apocolypse. It would be a huge hit.

    • April 24, 2012 1:04 pm

      yeah! What she said!

      • April 24, 2012 2:33 pm

        I’m on it. I just bought a crate of mayo, ketchup and horseradish and I’m ready to get started. My only problem so far is trying to clean ketchup stains off tree bark.

    • April 24, 2012 2:31 pm

      That is such a cool idea, Peg! If I do it and make it big, I’ll go halfsies with you on my net income. Perhaps I can get an endorsement deal with Heinz and then I can pay you in ketchup. Would you mind getting your royalty payment in ketchup? That’s how they do it on game shows.

  8. April 23, 2012 9:25 am

    I do hope the ketchup and mustard were paid for their pivotal role in this story. They must be in line for an Oscar for this, surely?

    I too grew up in the countryside. When I was six we walked to the local farm to watch lambs being born. I was was traumatised for about a week!

    Great post yet again Angie. I applaud you!

    ps. I have now moved. Was going to post ‘New Home’ cards, but who does that these days with the price of stamps? So here’s my new address:
    Pop round any time for tea, biscuits and Reece’s Peanut Butter cups (whatever they are).

    • April 24, 2012 2:39 pm

      At age six I doubt I could’ve handled watching sheep give birth considering I could barely look at 1-day-old hamsters without feeling an urge to hurl.

      I love your new blog! What a great banner! You look so important there reading your Roald Dahl book. I am all signed up and ready for your weekly doses of funny.

      • April 24, 2012 3:48 pm

        Congratulations! You are the first person to have made the shrewd Dahl observation. He’s my favourite author of all time! Who needs J.K Rowling when you have him?! I’d love to take credit for the new site, but my brother built it for me (you have a brother – get him onto this immediately!)

        You are welcome to join me in my plans for world domination. We’d be unstoppable!

        Thanks for signing up. I’ll be back on here for my regular fix of Childhood Relived too. :)

      • April 24, 2012 3:52 pm

        Thanks, Jess! I’m good with finding nearly-hidden details. I am rooting for Where’s Waldo to take America by storm again. My brother is an artist and designed my blog header. You mean, I can enlist him to do even MORE work for me and my blog? That is awesome news!

        See you on the other side of the looking glass.


      • April 24, 2012 6:00 pm

        Oh well if he is talented enough to make your fabulous banner then you should most definitely squeeze a whole website out of him. That’s what brothers are for! I think this is to make up for all the torturous things they did to us as young girls. Like beheading Tiny Tears dolls…

      • April 25, 2012 8:13 pm

        Whenever you mention the Tiny Tears doll incident, a tiny part of the goodness in my heart dies. I can’t believe you suffered so greatly. I remember when my brother and my cousin Jim together (because it apparently took two people) pulled the head and arms off a Barbie of mine. Turns out she was made of rubber bands that could never be mended. Her head was put back on but she looked to be neckless. Her modeling career was over after that. And that’s when the drinking started.

  9. Emily permalink
    April 23, 2012 9:47 am

    1. Did you tell your parents? Mine probably would have called the school after something like that–or, no, scratch that, they probably wouldn’t have allowed me to go on a field trip to the site of a murder. They probably would have either had me stay back at school with the “bad kids” (after all, field trips were a privilege, not a right), or, more likely, kept me home that day, so I’d know that I hadn’t been “bad,” and wasn’t being “punished.” They might have even tried to cancel the whole thing……..but then, I was in elementary school about ten years after you were.

    2. This must be the reason why “Mustard and Ketchup” Halloween costumes have become so popular in recent years.

    • April 24, 2012 2:44 pm

      1. You know what — I have no memory of my parents even knowing about this trip in advance. They would have to, wouldn’t they? They’d had to sign permission slips at the very least. But what they were told we were going to see is another thing. I can remember having night terrors and waking up my mom. And then she went on a tirade about how she was going to call up my teacher and have words with her about her poor choice of field trip. But I think my mom went back to sleep, calmed down and that phone call never happened.

      2. I think I’m going to dress up as Mustard and Ketchup for Halloween this year. Zombie-style, as Peg-o-Leg suggested above. Granted, it’ll probably make no sense to anyone but I’m quite fine with being a misunderstood genius.

  10. April 23, 2012 9:47 am

    I blocked out the cat disection, Angie. I do not appreciate you bringing that back to my memory.
    I hope neither the ketchup nor the mustard were harmed in the re-creation of the olden day tale.

    • April 24, 2012 2:47 pm

      Yeah, why cats? Why, Lenore? Why not opossums or something that I don’t want to name fluffy and own as a pet? I was just relieved that they didn’t look like cats by the time we got to them. Okay, I’ve thoroughly grossed myself out now. You’re welcome.

      I’m happy to say that Ketchup and Mustard are doing just fine and living a great life in my refrigerator door.

  11. April 23, 2012 10:16 am

    Wow! What a wild field trip. And I thought the field trip to the grocery store was bad.

    • April 24, 2012 2:49 pm

      That depends — did your field trip to the grocery store include an inside look at the meat department? If so, I think we both had it pretty bad. Whatever happened to just going to a farm and feeding chickens?

  12. April 23, 2012 11:10 am

    I already sleep under the covers. Now I’ll be afraid some condiments will be tormenting me at eye level? Come on. Those photos are damn hilarious. Beats the handful of field trips I had growing up.

    • April 24, 2012 2:51 pm

      Anything occurring in front of you at eye level while you’re half asleep and lying in bed is quite disturbing. Wait a second, didn’t you once awaken to your kid at eye level telling you about his toilet needs or something? If so, you already know the terror I speak of.

  13. April 23, 2012 11:53 am

    Oh, god, that is horrifying! Although I LOVE your photo recreation, ha! At first I thought you meant the cows names were Mustard and Ketcup, and I was like, “Oh nooo. Why would they hang the COWS if they wanted to STEAL them?” ;)

    • April 24, 2012 2:55 pm

      Oh, Jules! This comment nearly caused an entire redrafting of that paragraph because you’re so, so right! It’s written so confusing. Exactly who was hung and burned? The cows? The cattle ranchers? The school children listening to the story? Actually it was the two homesteaders. But I think history would’ve been a lot better off had the tragedy been just an impromptu beef barbecue.

  14. Jesse permalink
    April 23, 2012 11:54 am

    I remember when they thought it was a good idea for us to take a tour of monforts “slaughterhouse/meat packing plant” as a reward for one of the soccer teams I was on. Insane

    • Tony permalink
      April 23, 2012 1:26 pm

      Ha, that’s funny. I just posted the same thing above. It was Lance’s dad, remember?

    • April 24, 2012 2:56 pm

      What in the world is wrong with people? Seriously! I’ll take my green “participant” ribbon instead, thank you very much.

  15. April 23, 2012 11:59 am

    We used to have an instructor for an overnight program at the zoo who would tell gruesome stories about being in Africa and watching a young elephant get shot repeatedly. He was finally asked to quit telling the story to second graders..

    • April 24, 2012 2:59 pm

      This comment made me laugh out loud and then cry a little and then laugh again and then bawl like a baby in a fetal position at the foot of my bed. I’m so sensitive to the plight of elephants. I think they might be my favorite animal on the planet. And then I can imagine hearing this stuff told to me as a second grader. Holy crap.

  16. April 23, 2012 3:01 pm

    I’m with your fans: thumbs up for the photo recreation! I wonder what curriculum standard was met by that field trip.

    • April 24, 2012 3:02 pm

      Good question, Amy. I think it had something to do with history and something to do with our teacher hating us.

  17. Teresa Cleveland Wendel permalink
    April 23, 2012 8:21 pm

    Are the kids in your home town still taking that same field trip?
    Oh, my!

    • April 24, 2012 3:03 pm

      I don’t know if that teacher is there anymore. I know that kids in grades ahead of us also went on this same trip when they were in her 3rd grade class. So it might’ve went on and on every year for a decade for all I know. Ugh!

  18. April 23, 2012 8:45 pm

    I never got to do anything that cool. Well, we did get to go to the alligator farm when I was a kid. That was pretty bitchin’…but never a “hanging tree” field trip.

    • April 24, 2012 3:05 pm

      Alligator farm? That sounds amazing! I would’ve had much more fun on that field trip. And I would’ve had more fun recreating it in my yard with condiment bottles.

  19. April 23, 2012 11:30 pm

    Wow… to think you cold bloodedly murdered innocent bottles of ketchup and mustard just for that one “recreation” photograph… you didn’t even have the decency to clean up the sauce.

    Just think of all the years that Ketchup and Mustard have willingly given their lives to serve humankind. And how do you repay those selfless acts??? With evil, evil intent.

    I can see you now, stabbing at those poor, defenceless bottles with the butter knife, that awful screeching music from Psycho playing in the background.

    Shame on you, Angie, shame on you.

    • April 24, 2012 3:07 pm

      I did it for art’s sake. C’mon! If they could kill off Milo and Otis for the sake of a children’s movie (Gasp! I still hope this isn’t true!), surely Ketchup and Mustard could give up their lives for the sake of my blog post? It’s a way that they can live on forever. I’ve immortalized them. Most condiments can only dream of being immortalized through art.

      • April 24, 2012 9:44 pm

        Milo and Otis? And they are…? Are you saying that the lives of two innocent condiments are not worth as much as these others??? Hmmmm… I should have expected this lack of respect from one who kills in the name of art…

      • April 25, 2012 8:20 pm

        Milo and Otis was a lovable kids movie about a real life kitten and a Pug that were best friends and went off on an adventure. Dudley Moore narrated it. And then later I learned it was filmed in Japan so they could legally kill off the animals while making their incredibly daring scenes. Maybe this was all rumor but, in comparison, killing off Ketchup and Mustard in my yard seems quite merciful.

  20. Cara permalink
    April 23, 2012 11:39 pm

    If you had hung the ketchup and mustard bottles from your tree your neighbors would have had some interesting gossip. I can see why you decided against that. :)

    • April 24, 2012 3:11 pm

      You’re saying I’d look crazy by staging a condiment lynching? No more crazy than the guy next door who jumps on his trampoline while holding a beer bottle.

      • April 24, 2012 9:45 pm

        Does he try to catch the beer in his open mouth as it flies out of the bottle?? Sorry, but that would be truly impressive. Unless it’s Guinness. In which case, it’s a sacrilege and a waste.

      • April 25, 2012 8:23 pm

        “Guinness is the best beer in the history of liquid, and I would jump on a trampoline with a disgusting neighbor who’s holding a bottle of Guinness in hopes that I could catch some of the runoff,” said 1997-Angie.

      • April 25, 2012 10:05 pm

        What about the 2012 Angie?? Hmmm….

      • April 25, 2012 10:07 pm

        Nah. Why risk breaking my neck. I can buy it now. It helps that I have a job now that pays better than minimum wage.

  21. April 23, 2012 11:44 pm

    Nice! Can I use that pic in my blog or is there a limit on the photo use? Also, what were Mitchell and Ketchum thinking when you posed them in your backyard like that?

    • April 24, 2012 3:12 pm

      So long as you give credit to me and Mustard and Ketchup, by all means you can use the photo. I think it’s important that Mustard and Ketchup live on through my photography.

  22. April 24, 2012 8:33 am

    Wow, what an educational experience! Note to self: don’t steal cows.

    • April 24, 2012 3:15 pm

      No kidding! Maybe that was what the lesson was here. I sort of missed out on the lesson part as I was too busy being scared out of my mind.

  23. Emily permalink
    April 24, 2012 12:30 pm

    Angie–sudden thought: Have you ever considered writing for Mad Magazine?

    • April 24, 2012 3:20 pm

      Emily, how nice that you think I could write for a legitimately cool publication. At least I think it’s legitimately cool. I admit I haven’t looked at it since my brother got it back in the 1980s. Is Alfred E. Neuman still on the covers? I couldn’t tell you one thing about the content either. I couldn’t tell you one thing about the content of any magazines. I hardly even read. I suck. The End.

  24. April 24, 2012 1:08 pm

    I weeped looking at that innocent photo of you! I sobbed at the horrible gut-wrenching graphic pictures that followed!

    Why? For the love of God and all that is holy–WHY?!!!

    The only field trips I remember were going to the shaker village. Pretty tame stuff…a few baskets were made. Maybe a table. I don’t remember. But at least I wasn’t scarred for life, shesssh!

    • April 24, 2012 3:27 pm

      I long for those innocent field trips to the pioneer museums where we’d watch a blacksmith make a horseshoe, or a woman making a broom while dressed in a bonnet, or a man making cornmeal cakes inside a teepee. The takeaway here, Darla — be very aware of where your kids’ school is taking them in the name of experiential learning. The shaker village, yes. The mortuary, no.

  25. April 24, 2012 1:13 pm

    What kind of sick and twisted elementary school did you go to? LOL! That’s just…sick and twisted!!! Poor Mustard and Ketchup! I’ll say a prayer tonight that they rest in peace…and that since telling this story, you can peacefully rest. :)

    • April 24, 2012 3:30 pm

      I know; it was sick and twisted, wasn’t it? I so appreciate the sympathy, Cathie. I’m working through it and somehow I will try to get back to the days where I could dip my french fries in ketchup without screaming out in terror.

      • April 24, 2012 3:33 pm

        “…dip my french fries in ketchup without screaming in terror.” Hilarious! Love it!

  26. April 24, 2012 1:15 pm

    Having just gone back and read some of your responses, I have to say that I’m now having a hard time deciding which is more amusing: your blog today (which, again, is sick and twisted…”Who was your school’s superintendent? Wes Craven?” (ROFLMAO! Great question!)

    You make me laugh…and your friends make me laugh. Great blog today…great comments to a great blog.

    • April 24, 2012 3:33 pm

      I think I must have the funniest group of blog followers in the entire WordPress world. I really need to start paying you all for what you write on here. It makes me look good.

  27. April 24, 2012 3:53 pm

    As I recall, our school field trips were pretty tame. Except the buffalo farm. Or was it bison? Granted, no buffa-bison were hung and set on fire, and I don’t think there was even live birth involved, but the smell – oh the smell! – is something I still remember to this day.

    • April 24, 2012 4:14 pm

      I lived in a feedlot town. I know that smell all too well. I practically bathed in it every day for 10 years. In the summertime, you could see it around the street lights, hanging in large dust clouds. Yummy.

      • April 24, 2012 4:57 pm

        Not so good. Although I’m from a papermill town, and that smell clings to you like a nylon nighty in the summertime. You could see it around the street lights too. When I tell people where I’m from they always say, “Oh, I’ve been there. It stinks.”

      • April 24, 2012 5:07 pm

        I can so relate! I’ve heard the Exact Same Thing said about my reeking hometown. And then in college I lived in a town in Alaska that boasted a large fish cannery and a pulp mill. I just can’t win.

  28. russelllindsey permalink
    April 24, 2012 4:50 pm

    No traumatic field trips here, although there was a trip to Gettysburg with 4-H in high school. I’ve never felt a place to be so haunted.

    I grew up and still live in Michigan. We went to Fort Michimillimac near the straights of Mackinaw in 5th grade. It dates from the 1700s – and didn’t seem too creepy at the time. I later saw movies of what actually occurred there – not nice. I would never want to be there after dark.


    • April 25, 2012 8:09 pm

      I’m totally freaked by Civil War history, Lindsey. I think it’s because the photos are so haunting. I think I’d have nightmares if I went there now. Horrible, horrible stuff going on there. A lot of tortured souls. Wow. Okay, now I have to Google Fort Michimillimac…or maybe I shouldn’t.

      • russelllindsey permalink
        April 25, 2012 8:13 pm

        Just don’t go at night! Pre-revolutionary War history freaks me out at times too, especially when it involves “Indians” versus colonists/British military, as is the case at Fort Michimillimac. Totally agree with the whole Civil War thing. I can’t imagine living through either time period.


  29. April 24, 2012 6:19 pm

    Un Bee Leave-able! What kind of a teacher would find that interesting as a field trip for nine-year-olds? Didn’t you have a petting zoo or something? I can imagine the followup nightmares. I can remember the first time I saw a dead body, for real, and I had nightmares for weeks. I’ll write about it sometime.

    • April 25, 2012 8:17 pm

      We had a zoo of a sort in my town. I can’t even talk about it or I’ll start weeping. I think it consisted of a few large cages out in a park that contained an eagle and an owl and maybe a turkey that people randomly came to feed when they remembered. Ugh. More nightmares on the way now. You definitely need to write about when you first saw a dead body. If I miss it, be sure to come tell me it’s been posted. That’s a must read.

  30. April 24, 2012 9:48 pm

    Yay! You have banner ads! Congrats on having enough visitors to be deemed worthy!!

    • April 25, 2012 8:25 pm

      Thanks, man. Some might say “deemed worthy” while others might say “sold out.”

      • April 25, 2012 8:50 pm

        Well… did you ask for the ads?

      • April 25, 2012 8:55 pm

        I didn’t actually. Well, I applied to have them. But not until WordPress sent me an email about it in January. I have no idea what they’re looking for. Really I don’t. But any bloggers interested can click on the WordAds link above to find out more. This is not an ad. WordAds is not paying me to tell you this. I have limits to how far I’ll sell out. Like I’ll never appear in the staged audience of an infomercial and pretend to look surprised when a man gets blueberry stains out of a carpet scrap. No, that look will be real.

      • April 25, 2012 10:09 pm

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  31. April 25, 2012 6:33 am

    Wow. I have limited memory on all of my elementary school field trips. Certainly, I never got to do anything as fun as that! So very entertaining. Especially for a 9-yr-old. (BTW, cute photo. I love school pics. They’re my fav. It’s why I’m the only mom who still buys them at $30 per kid. They may want to use them on their blog one day.)

    • April 25, 2012 8:28 pm

      I know, aren’t those school photos great?! Do kids photos today still look the same? Because I’d be totally bummed if my kids didn’t come home with their school photos containing trees or sunsets in the background.

      I actually thought when I posted this that this tree in my school photo background might be the hanging tree. I didn’t note it in my blog post as I thought it might be tasteless. But you get me so I can share my inappropriate humor with you. Here’s where I close by burping the alphabet.

  32. April 25, 2012 6:44 am

    Wow! I can only imagine what information was on the permission slip your parents had to sign.

    “The students will be visiting a historical sight where gruesome murders were carried out. Since the actual corpses have long since decomposed, we’ll be providing visual representations of the scene. These events occurred during the Olden Days and as a school, we feel it is educationally valuable to expose the students to the brutality of the past in the hopes for a more peaceful future. Please provide a bag lunch clearly labeled with your child’s name. Sign below and return this form to your child’s teacher.”

    • April 25, 2012 8:32 pm

      You are my hero, Paprika! Thanks for advocating for 1985-Angie. And she would’ve appreciated you being this much of a smartass.

      Bag lunch? Who needed a bag lunch? I effectively lost all appetite for food after this trip.

      • April 25, 2012 8:59 pm

        You could have always dumped the lunch and used the bag to throw up into.

      • April 25, 2012 9:01 pm

        Brilliant! And reusing the bag would be environmentally friendly. Win-win.

  33. April 25, 2012 5:45 pm

    Hilarious! I would have voted for the Dairy Corner…

    • April 25, 2012 8:48 pm

      Indeed. I think I would’ve been much less traumatized by soft-serve ice cream and sprinkles.

  34. Emily permalink
    April 26, 2012 11:49 pm

    We went on an outdoor education trip once, and saw a man skin a dead beaver.

    • April 28, 2012 1:44 pm

      Ahhhh! Disgusting! I just went on a field trip with my 4 1/2 year old daughter’s class and they told how they made a taxidermy badger. I thought that was a little unnecessary. Especially the part about “stretching its skin and sewing it together.”

  35. russelllindsey permalink
    April 28, 2012 8:49 pm

    Here is the website Angie. Of course, I goofed up and misspelled the name of the fort. Anyway, they now do a whole Halloween thing. Creepy stuff!

    Between this conversation and something else that took place today (more in another comment), I’m now wondering about the movie/documentary that described the horrors that took place there.

    By the way, love the comments on the taxidermy field trip! My Dad used to trap when I was a kid and it was no big deal for me to watch him skin muskrats/etc. when I was little (4/5). He had a workroom in our basement for doing this. Anyway, it was no big deal for me. But, when I was 5 or so, I had a friend over and we went to go play in the basement, which was furnished with the exception of his workroom and a store room. Well, he happened to be skinning at the moment and I had to say hi to him. My friend freaked :D We are still good friends and my childhood friends still talk about the wild kingdom in my basement. My Dad was/is very big into hunting and my Mom banished most of the taxidermy to the basement. It looked like a wildlife museum at the time. :D Great memories.


    • April 29, 2012 9:20 am

      Holy cow, that’d be a freaky thing to walk in on as a kid!

      I don’t know that I can look at that website you linked without nightmares…but I’ll try. Eyes half-shut, I’ll give it a look.

      • russelllindsey permalink
        April 29, 2012 9:31 am

        The website isn’t that bad, just don’t look at the Halloween page.


  36. May 3, 2012 9:00 pm

    Hilarious!! I hope you’re seeking the help of a qualified therapist. Elementary trauma is difficult to overcome alone.


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