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Exclusive: Shocking Photos!

June 8, 2012

Dear Special Readers,

I had an amazing video planned for you today depicting flying trapeze acts by your favorite now-completely-irrelevant stars from the 1980s.  As important as it is for you to see that video, it will have to wait until next Friday.

Because — in the tradition of Us Weekly magazine — today I’m instead offering you a special guest pass to be the first to see EXCLUSIVE:  SHOCKING PHOTOS!

And I promise you, this is even better than seeing EXCLUSIVE:  SHOCKING PHOTOS! of Jennifer Aniston’s cellulite.

For some time now, Jules from Go Guilty Pleasures! — A.K.A. Toothpaste Girl, A.K.A. Chipumunk Groupie, A.K.A. Funny as F**k — has been generously providing her readers with Go Guilty Pleasures! snap bracelets — yes, those lovable wrist accessories from days gone by, those wearable toys once confiscated by teachers in the millions.

Well, this is what my husband retrieved from our mailbox last month:

Based on its contorted state, clearly Jules should’ve written “Please Do Not Bend Unless You’d Like To See This Coil Into A Ball And Explode Into Flames.”

I’m sorry to report that, due to popular demand, these snap bracelets are no longer available.  (All together now:  Awwwwwww.)  But I know you’ll be happy for me that I got the pleasure of scoring not one but two!

As part of the strict stipulations stated in my Go Guilty Pleasures! Snap Bracelet Contract, I had to take photos of myself wearing the bracelets.

Today Jules has posted them here on her blog, along with a letter from yours truly and along with photos of a couple of other grateful recipients.

Due to the severe flashback-induced whiplash I suffered upon receipt of the snap bracelets, I temporarily blacked out.  When I awoke I was wearing a snap bracelet choker and an exact replica of Donna Martin’s 90210 homecoming dress.  Which understandably led to a compelling desire to recreate my 1993 senior class photo shoot.  Which I’m sure you’ll agree is quite SHOCKING!

I am providing you with mere teasers here — you will not be able to see the full photos anywhere except here on Jules’ blog.  Which I’m sure you’ll agree makes them quite EXCLUSIVE!

Brace yourself.

Your friend in flashbacks that usually don’t lead to mild traumatic brain injuries,

Angie

P.S.  If my dog looks scared, it’s because she is — and you should be too.

38 Comments leave one →
  1. June 8, 2012 6:24 am

    HA! Oh, you are something, Angie. Something awesome. From the Donna Martin dress, to the poof, to the side pony, to the slap bracelet choker, to the letter… I have never felt more honored to post someone’s pictures on my blog. And honestly, everyone else should be thanking you, too.

    You are my hero.

    • June 11, 2012 7:45 pm

      Thanks, Jules. This comment makes me feel like the happiest girl in the world — like when David proposed marriage to Donna. Like that kind of happy.

  2. June 8, 2012 6:37 am

    You are just too stinkin’ cute, Angie. And the sideways pony? That rocks it. You should make it your regular do. Great flashbacks, girls!

    • June 11, 2012 7:46 pm

      If Jules can effectively bring back both the side pony and the slap bracelet, I will return to the fashion prime of my life.

  3. June 8, 2012 6:44 am

    Ahhhh…big hair and the varsity jacket…a walk down memory lane.

    • June 11, 2012 7:47 pm

      Was the female-version of a varsity jacket ever really cool? I realized about three minutes after I first put mine on that it wasn’t.

  4. June 8, 2012 6:47 am

    Have you a need for a Strawberry Shortcake doll?

    • June 11, 2012 7:48 pm

      Of course — who doesn’t. Is this a rhetorical question?

      • June 12, 2012 11:50 am

        Email your address to me. I’ll send you one. Vintage. Smells like dust and strawberries.

  5. June 8, 2012 7:17 am

    Awesome! I love the pictures you sent in. Y’all are both hilarious.

  6. June 8, 2012 7:24 am

    Yes, so very lovin’ the big hair and the side pony. Makes every girl want a slap bracelet to accessorize with.

    • June 11, 2012 7:49 pm

      That hair was so big it made my children shriek with joy at the very sight of it. They thought I was some kind of theme park mascot.

  7. June 8, 2012 8:18 am

    Your shyness pains me, Angie. Pains me.

    • June 11, 2012 7:50 pm

      It’s easy to get over shyness when you have some big hair to hide behind.

  8. June 8, 2012 8:43 am

    I am shocked. My shock is so extreme that I don’t know if my heart can take going over to Jules’ site. Even though I was about to, anyway…

    • June 11, 2012 7:52 pm

      I know — it’s all very exclusive and shocking and I can’t believe I didn’t see my hair bump while in line at the grocery store checkout.

  9. June 8, 2012 9:35 am

    Not only am I shocked, I am exclusively shocked. And do-overs of senior class photos is a stroke of genius that all would do well to try.

    • June 11, 2012 7:52 pm

      Okay, I have to admit something here — I didn’t hate it.

  10. June 8, 2012 11:14 am

    This is awesome! We are the priviledged few!

  11. June 8, 2012 12:20 pm

    I have no words, Angie!

    Uh….maybe a few: these are simply the most amazing photos ever taken by a human being. I am just in awe. You truly rock the hell out of that hair bump.

  12. June 8, 2012 4:24 pm

    Donna Martin graduates! Donna Martin graduates!

  13. beck16 permalink
    June 8, 2012 4:25 pm

    Fantastic!
    Thanks for taking us down memory lane. I feel very priviledged to have taken this journey. :)
    I miss the poof! I am going to start wearing my hair like that again. I never could rock the side pony tail..
    Your jacket stinking like cool ranch doritos cracked me up!!

    • June 11, 2012 8:01 pm

      Thanks! I think when Elaine from Seinfeld did away with her hair bump, it was the end of an era. The whole world changed.

      Who eats Cool Ranch Doritos anymore — seriously? Anyone? So good but they reek.

  14. June 8, 2012 9:17 pm

    Truly awesome, Angie.

    • June 11, 2012 8:02 pm

      Thanks, MJ. I wonder what your senior class photo reshoot would look like. You strike me as the kind of guy who stood by his car for a photo.

      • June 11, 2012 9:14 pm

        Our school was pretty basic. We didn’t have those cool photos like that. But if we would have, I would have had it next to my ’69 Chevy, for sure.

      • June 11, 2012 9:52 pm

        ’69 Chevy — pretty cool stuff. I had an ’86 Ford Taurus. How sweet would that look in the background of a photo?

  15. June 11, 2012 10:38 pm

    I loved those 80’s Taurus’s – or is it Tauri?

    • June 12, 2012 5:59 pm

      Ha — Tauri! Yeah, it was pretty much the nerd car of the century. “Reliable” — it’s the least sexy word you could possibly use to describe a car.

  16. June 13, 2012 10:25 am

    I love this blog and adore your slap bracelet photos! Jules told me you may want to see this…http://rachels-table.com/2012/06/10/boston-lettuce-wraps-are-boss/ And there’s more where that came from. Which is fortunate for you, but unfortunate for my childhood.

    • June 14, 2012 8:46 pm

      Oh my god, Rachel — can I have that for my Dynomite! contest? I’m going to do a “school photo edition” as soon as I wrap up this round. You would kill it with this picture.

      Isn’t it great that we didn’t peak in our younger days? Truly.

      • June 15, 2012 7:22 am

        Hi Angie! You may have the photo, of course. And that’s only one of many. It’s a wonder I have any self-esteem at all!

      • June 17, 2012 7:39 pm

        Fantastic! After I wrap up this current round of Dynomite!, I will do a special round of school photos (I have three other great ones on file). You’ll knock it out of the park. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

        I’ll let you know when I use it — and I’ll be sure to link back to your blog. Hooray for our awkward years!

        UPDATE: It would be nice if I read the last comment I wrote before I responded — considering I just wrote you THE EXACT SAME THING last week. Oops.

      • June 18, 2012 8:50 am

        ha! Been there, done that. But you were freshly pressed so you have a good excuse. :)

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