What the . . . PG-rated Poltergeist?
*What the…Friday? is a weekly Friday feature in which I resuscitate a video relic from the swampy pits of Pop Culture Wasteland.*
Today: What the PG-rated Poltergeist?
Next Monday will mark my one-year blogoversary.
Uncensored Cinema was my very first blog post.
Which included an overabundance of italicized words.
And tiny, oddly-placed images.
And probably way too much about my kids because I don’t even write about my kids anymore. Because who wants to hear about them — nobody. But I still have them. Both of them. My daughter just asked me last week if the Care Bears from my childhood were made out of wood. Precious, right? And my son pastes boogers to my arm while I’m making dinner. Isn’t that precious too?
Oh, and then I think only 15 people even read my first post. Which would include those readers who stumbled upon it while googling “uncensored cinema” — or “porn” as it’s sometimes called. But I think those readers appreciated that I at least included a picture of Snow White. She was biting into an apple. Of course she was.
I didn’t mind telling the story again. It felt good. It felt liberating. One of the most miserable, horrifying moments of my childhood reduced to fodder for a very special episode of Growing Pains. Because just when I got to the part where I cried myself comatose, a canned laugh track broke in to save the day.
What other burdensome memories could I purge for relief?
Maybe the time I ate a tub of Play-doh? Check. Maybe the time I was forced to get naked in gym class? Check. Maybe the time I made up a fake boyfriend? Maybe the time I maimed my dog with a rubberband bracelet? Check, check.
Oh, it hurts so good.
Now to bring it back to where it all started, I present my WTF? feature of the week.
In 1982 Poltergeist hit theaters. It was rated PG. PG as in Parental Guidance suggested but not required — you know, maybe someone who’s an adult could accompany little Billy to help explain to him why there’d be skeletons emerging from a backyard swimming pool. Someone to explain that demons can’t suck you into a television set. Someone to change your pants after you wet them.
I’m sure you’ll see by this delightful movie trailer why it appeared to be a kid’s movie: