What the … New Kids on the Block Hotline?
*What the…Friday? is a weekly Friday feature in which I resuscitate a video relic from the swampy pits of Pop Culture Wasteland.*
Today: What the New Kids on the Block Hotline?
Full disclosure — I am an Unfrozen Caveman when it comes to modern technology.
My cell phone is old. I don’t know the number. My husband wrote it for me on a sticky note and taped it to the back. That was six years ago and I still don’t know the number. It does not include a camera. It does not include a keypad. It does include a library of five to ten prewritten text messages. “Meet you there.” “Hi. Bye.” “Call me.” “Stay cool. Never change.” “Help. Timmy is stuck in an abandoned well.” “Milk and Bread.”
I don’t own an iPod. I hear iPods are nice for listening to music. I don’t know how they work. I don’t know how the music gets inside there.
I don’t own an iPad. Oh, wait. I do. I mostly use it for taking photos of my cat.
I wrote this post in chalk on a blackboard. And then I had it transcribed by two elderly retirees I found loitering around a veterans hospital. Their Shih Tzu uploaded it to WordPress for me.
I don’t have cable TV. I do watch movies. But I haven’t watched a commercial since Cool Ranch Doritos contained trans fat.
I do have knowledge of New Kids on the Block. I do remember them. I remember they were Really Something. I remember I hated their guts. All of them. Even Joe. Except that I wanted to have babies with him.
That brings me to this video.
I’ve been told that people no longer talk on phones resembling alarm clocks.
I’ve been told that pop singers don’t say, “Word!” anymore.
I’ve been told that pop singers now have hoods attached to their sweatshirts.
I’ve been told that pharmaceuticals are now advertised on television. I’ve been told they are marketing a cure for restless leg syndrome. Or restless shoulder syndrome. Or restless neck syndrome. Or whatever it is that Danny is ailing from here.
But what I haven’t been told is this. Do commercials still advertise 1-900 hotlines? And, if they do, do people still pay to talk to celebrities on 1-900 hotlines?
Nah. I don’t believe a word of it.
Well, if they do, if people do still pay to talk to celebrities on 1-900 hotlines, I’m sure today they’re instead talking to a prerecording or a cyborg or a drone or Ryan Seacrest.
Not like the real people we got to talk to back then.