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The Most Dynomite Kid of All!

July 12, 2012

For the Love of Benji, it is finally over.  We have our Dynomite! winner.

We can now move on with our lives.  We can now get back to our Golden Girls marathons.

The most Dynomite Kid of All is JP Lenore!

I confess — at the end of last week, I had already written this post declaring JP the winner.

But then, Holy Get-Out-the-Vote!  Lenore came from behind and tied JP, before going on to crush him in the final round.  Lenore is indeed The Comeback Kid.

Which by the way happens to be a really good movie starring John Ritter.  1981-Angie gave it two slightly sticky, glitter-covered thumbs up!  She was actually sticking them up her nose, but I interpreted that she highly recommended you see the movie.

Now it’s on to announcing Lenore’s grand prize winnings!  Are you excited?  Me too.  1981-Angie just peed in her corduroy culottes, but I interpreted that she’s excited too.

First off, Lenore will be featured on my site at bottom-right, along with a link to her blog, Lenore’s Thoughts Exactly.  That’s right — all those who stop by my blog will now get to see Lenore in all her bewildered, bolo-tied glory.  Lookin’ good there, Lenore.  Lookin’ good.

Second, I will be shipping out to Lenore her very own Flashback-in-a-Box!  Flashback-in-a-Box will include these items I found lying around my home valuable prizes and more!

1 Yoda Empire Strikes Back pen that came out of a cereal box.

Shhhhhh.  My kids thought “the scabbie-picker” got lost in our couch cushions.

1 original portrait taken by 1984-Angie.

I’m sure it’s clear why 1984-Angie served as a photography protégé under Annie Leibovitz.  Hold on to this, Lenore.  It might be worth a lot.  Nah, go ahead and burn it with the scab-picker.

1 compact disc of New Edition’s Greatest Hits.  

And you thought it couldn’t possibly get better than Bell Biv DeVoe’s Poison.  And you thought, no way could it get smoother-sounding than Bobby Brown’s My Prerogative.  And you thought, nothing could ever top that one other guy in the group who sang that one song that I think I heard that one time when I was at the arcade.

Well, my friends, you need to take a trip back.

Back to where the New Edition magic got started.  Back to when men looked masculine in denim vests.  Back to when flaps-and-snaps on Member’s Only jackets looked somewhat less pointless.  You need to hear Mr. Telephone Man.  Enjoy.

1 origami fortune teller.

In fact, it is an exact replica of one made by 1988-Angie in 6th period study hall.

Do not doubt the power of the origami fortune teller.  In testing the accuracy of its predictions, I naturally ended up with this fortune.

So I know it’s in tip-top order.

3 unused E.T. party invitations, copyright 1982.

Now Lenore can throw her very own E.T. theme party for three of her friends!  I hope she has that many friends.  If not, she could always invite JP.  It’d be the right thing to do — like when Marcia Brady conceded the class president race to Greg.  Warms your heart, doesn’t it?

Congratulations, Lenore!  Those prizes (and more) are coming your way!

Thanks again to JP for his entry.  And to our other contestants — Cathie, Jules — thank you again for your participation.  I’m sorry but you were just much, much too not-awkward to win.

And finally, it’s only decent that we say thank you to JP’s Kitty.  In fact, I’d like to close with a moment of silence for Kitty — I’m sure she’s long gone by now.  If the velour chokehold didn’t do her in, she died of a broken heart.

To the cat who sacrificed her dignity and perhaps even her life — we love you, Kitty.

60 Comments leave one →
  1. July 12, 2012 12:06 pm

    Awesome prizes, Angie!

    • July 12, 2012 9:53 pm

      Thanks, Amy — if you’re interested in these amazing prizes for yourself, there happens to be another round of Dynomite! coming up soon. School photos edition! Any mall bangs in your past we should know about?

  2. beck16 permalink
    July 12, 2012 12:15 pm

    Score!
    Lenore made out like a bandit!!
    Excellent prizes indeed. I’m a little jealous that I don’t have my own awkward photo to submit for such wonderous treasures!
    Congrats Lenore, and do enjoy! :)

    • July 12, 2012 9:56 pm

      Are you saying you don’t have photos to submit or are you saying that your photos are not awkward — because if it’s the latter, I might have to hate you just a tiny bit. You’re not like Maureen McCormick, are you? We all saw her through puberty and I can’t say she ever had so much as a pimple on her chin.

      • beck16 permalink
        July 13, 2012 10:45 am

        Oh no. I have plenty of awkward photos. They’re all tucked away some where with Teddy Ruxpin.

      • July 13, 2012 2:49 pm

        No one puts Teddy in a corner.

      • beck16 permalink
        July 13, 2012 4:16 pm

        hahahah!!!!
        I know! I know…

  3. July 12, 2012 12:18 pm

    I will never get the image of J.P.’s kitty in his crotch out of my head. And for that, I thank you.

    • July 12, 2012 9:58 pm

      I’m thinking of ripping off the copyrights to it and making it into refrigerator magnets — and greeting cards and also maybe coffee mugs. Would you like to go in on this business with me? You know, if we wouldn’t get sued that is.

  4. July 12, 2012 12:19 pm

    *sigh* With my luck, the day I finally get Freshly Pressed there will be a special note taped to my post stating: “Lenore’s post is Freshly Pressed today, because JP called in sick. We were all ready to Freshly Press his post, but we had to change the plans at the last minute.”

    Woo hoo!! I won! I won! Look Ma! I won!!

    • July 12, 2012 10:03 pm

      If the WordPress warlocks were listening right now, I think you’d not only be Freshly Pressed but you’d be Freshly Pressed wearing a bolo tie. You might consider posting that photo on your blog and just see what happens. Talk to Nancy from Not Quite Old — she was Freshly Pressed wearing the largest ’70s glasses I’ve ever seen on a human face. I think Freshly Pressed can be like when you go to the grocery store with no make-up, sweatpants and mustard smeared on your face. Naturally, that’s when you see everyone you know.

      With that in mind, I’m feeling there’s going to be a resurge in bolo tie fashions soon. And we’ll all have you to thank for that.

      CONGRATULATIONS!

  5. July 12, 2012 12:24 pm

    Congrats, Lenore! I am so jealous of those fabulous prizes!

    • July 12, 2012 10:06 pm

      Your time is coming up soon. If not next week, the week after. Oh, wow — it’s going to be an epic round.

  6. July 12, 2012 12:31 pm

    Yay! Congrats, Lenore! Those are some cool prizes, you lucky woman, you! I love the fact that your picture will be up there for everyone to gawk at for days to come. The word ‘Dynomite!’ written across the top is the icing on the cake.

    • July 12, 2012 10:07 pm

      Sometimes I want to add a disclaimer to my Dynomite! posts that, yes, I know that the word dynamite is spelled with an “a” but Jimmie Walker said it with an “o”. That wouldn’t seem insecure or anything, would it?

  7. July 12, 2012 12:34 pm

    Oh my god. The collection of prizes makes me wish I hadn’t burned all my awkward middle school photos. Lenore made out like a bandit. Did you have an ET-themed party in 1982? The only themed party I had was a party at Roy Rogers and it really wasn’t a theme, we just ate hamburgers.

    RIP smothered kitty.

    • July 12, 2012 10:13 pm

      Birthday theme party at Roy Rogers with only hamburgers? See, I wish I’d hear more Speaker7 stories like those — now I’m feeling another guest post on my blog is necessary. You know, not that it would be any trouble for you to do for me, seeing that you’re just an alter ego that exists in my mind. Isn’t it amazing how hilarious my alter ego is when she writes about 50 Shades of Grey? I’m so proud of her and I take full credit.

      Those ET invites were purchased last year from a weird antique store. So the answer to your question is an odd one, and I’d come off sounding rather Michael Jackson-like.

  8. July 12, 2012 1:27 pm

    I voted for her so I should be invited to the party and that invitation should include a place to stay (her couch should suffice) and a round-trip ticket to Woodstock, Georgia.

    • July 12, 2012 10:15 pm

      So many demands from a person who hasn’t even submitted her own Dynomite! photo. I’ll let this conversation be between you, Lenore and her bolo tie.

  9. July 12, 2012 2:14 pm

    ha ha ha Lenore! Look at you and your bolo tie CLAIMING that gift basket! Man, if I knew that fortune teller was on the line, I would have hacked into that poll! Can I have one of the invites to the party? Only if JP’s going of course.

    • July 12, 2012 10:18 pm

      I’m worried it’s been too long since Lenore has used these origami fortune tellers and she’ll forget how. I was planning to include one in my next gift basket too. Perhaps a couple of video demos on both folding them and flipping them is in order — I’ll videotape myself doing that and post it on my blog and I won’t look at all crazy.

      • July 13, 2012 5:24 am

        Yessss. Do it. (WORDPRESSURE.)

      • July 13, 2012 2:54 pm

        Jules, how could you? You know my need to be liked makes me no match for your peer pressure — I buckle like a wet cardboard dollhouse.

      • July 13, 2012 5:03 pm

        I’m sorry, Ang. I just think it’s for your own good, and by that I mean for my own good.

        Do you hate when people call you Ang?

      • July 13, 2012 5:14 pm

        No, not at all. Most my friends call me Ang. I also answer to Awesomeness, Goddess and Alejandra. No, just kidding.

  10. surroundedbyimbeciles permalink
    July 12, 2012 2:24 pm

    I can’t believe the cat picture lost. It could be the biggest surprise since Falco hit the charts with “Rock Me Amadeus”.

    • July 12, 2012 10:20 pm

      Ha — perfect use of flashback reference. Well done! I mean, not that I’m surprised Lenore rocked it. But I am surprised that Falco did.

      • July 15, 2012 11:47 pm

        Comment thread WIN! The combination of a bolo tie and Falco in one sentence is like the most decadent of French desserts. :)

      • July 22, 2012 6:00 pm

        I would describe this very comment as exactly that. ;)

  11. July 12, 2012 2:30 pm

    Ha! Those prizes are so funny. It’s a good thing I can’t reach through the screen and borrow (steal) that Yoda Pen! (Will we be able to do that once computers go fully 3D?) Congratulations to ALL the contestants – there are clearly no losers here!

    • July 12, 2012 10:23 pm

      I almost want to do a poll now on which item people find the most appealing. So far it seems the Yoda pen, the ET invites and the origami fortune teller are the must-have items. I should consider my own at-home ebay business.

  12. July 12, 2012 3:16 pm

    Lenore, congrats! The bolero really does cinch it.

    Angie, good luck with that Duran Duran thing. Any upcoming special events that I should know about? Do you ever give out backstage passes or anything? (Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone…)

    • July 12, 2012 10:27 pm

      Yeah, it’s over. I partied a little too hard and already got myself kicked out of the band. Man, those guys are old. All they’re into now is antiquing and golfing and Starbucks. Real rock stars are extinct.

  13. rachelocal permalink
    July 12, 2012 4:45 pm

    I used to wear culottes! Stylin’.

    • July 12, 2012 10:29 pm

      The best were the corduroy ones because of the catchy sounds you’d create when you’d walk across the classroom to sharpen your pencil.

  14. July 12, 2012 4:49 pm

    Hi Angie…I love this post! You are hysterical!

    Just want you to know that you’ve inspired my latest blog post. 1977 Me just met 2012 Mini-Me! ;-) Yes, I’m a total geek.

    http://secondchanceblessings.com/2012/07/12/me-of-1977-meet-mini-me-of-2012/

    • July 12, 2012 10:31 pm

      Thank you, thank you, thank you! I really appreciate the kind words and that I could help inspire that groovy cross-generational photo comparison.

  15. July 12, 2012 7:19 pm

    I did not now there was a Yoda pen on the line. There’s a photo I never show anyone. It’s actually painful for me to look at.

    But for a Yoda pen…?

    • July 12, 2012 10:33 pm

      I cannot believe you haven’t submitted a photo yet. Byronic Man in a mullet. It’s gotta be out there. Wait, is this something to do with your agent telling you not to give out free photos? You could even halfsie the face. Mullets need not be symmetrical.

  16. July 12, 2012 8:05 pm

    Congrats, Lenore. And JP, perhaps you can ride out on the cat you rode in on.

    • July 12, 2012 10:34 pm

      Oh, Elyse — only you, Miss Witmaster.

      • July 13, 2012 5:04 am

        Somebody had to say it, Angie. And I’m sure JP will take it in the way I meant it.

  17. July 12, 2012 10:05 pm

    I want a cootie catcher that promises me fame and a lifetime of awesome alternative pop music friends.

    RIP, Kitty…RIP.

    • July 12, 2012 10:37 pm

      I think you’re the first person who validated New Edition’s awesomeness. I thank you for that, Lynnette. C’mon, we wouldn’t have any boy bands today without New Edition having paved the way! Wait, I’m not making a good case for them, am I?

      Poor Kitty. So young. So curious.

  18. July 12, 2012 10:20 pm

    E.T. party invitations!! Unused!?!? Man, I have got to get my act together next time you have a contest.

    • July 12, 2012 10:41 pm

      Dude, I can so score you some if you’re interested. There’s an antique store in my area that sells ’80s invitations — ET, Pac-Man, Smurfs. Now doesn’t that make you feel great to know they sell this stuff in an antique store? What’s next, Tears for Fears played on the Oldies stations? No, please, no!

      • July 12, 2012 11:34 pm

        They wouldn’t happen to have a copy of Grays Sports Almanac by any chance?

      • July 13, 2012 2:56 pm

        How do I know you’re not going to end up selling it to Biff?

  19. July 12, 2012 11:50 pm

    LOL That was brilliant – thanks Angie :)

    • July 13, 2012 2:58 pm

      No, thank you! Now let’s pretend we went back and forth saying that a few times until we declare a truce.

  20. July 13, 2012 11:47 am

    Lenore, do you have my proper address? You do? Good. Can’t wait for my gen-u-ine ET party invitation to come in the mail. What should I wear to the party…hmm…maybe my patchwork-look denim slacks and jacket combo, orange blouse with wide-spread collar and denim Huggie-Bear cap.

    • July 13, 2012 2:48 pm

      Wow, Peg — you really are taking the theme party to a whole new level because that indeed sounds like something an Extra-Terrestrial would wear.

  21. John-Paul permalink
    July 15, 2012 4:36 am

    I was away on holiday when I was robbed of victory. Thank you for your moving tribute to my cat. Her name was Penny. Well done Lenore.

    • July 15, 2012 6:53 pm

      It was a pleasure competing with you, JP. I am sorry your picture was not quite as horrid as mine. (smile)

    • July 15, 2012 8:30 pm

      Aw, darn! Thanks for playing, JP. I’m sure you have other photo gems just waiting to be discovered and you’re welcome to send them my way. Unfortunately, I doubt you can top the one with Penny the Crotch Rocket.

  22. July 15, 2012 11:49 pm

    Those prizes are pretty fantastic, Angie. I’m coveting those ET party invitations all the way from Western Canada. (Yes, they are THAT GOOD!)

    • July 22, 2012 5:58 pm

      Thanks, Dana! I also threw in some retro candy and a brand new Rubik’s cube for good measure. Hopefully all of this makes sacrificing a little dignity well worth it.

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