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Babysitting FAQs

July 31, 2012

Judging by reader comments, I now realize that in the historically disastrous babysitting story I shared with you all on Monday, I left a few gaping holes.

*  If you intended to read that post but didn’t, then here.

*  If you did not intend to read that post but want to pretend you did, then here and scroll to where I wrote I WAS IN THE WRONG HOUSE.  Or just read that sentence.

*  If you don’t know a lick about what I’m referring to, have recently embroidered Children are Precious Gifts from God onto a throw pillow, and believed this to be a blog on helpful babysitting tips, please leave and never come back here again because I have nothing to offer you.

Well, my friends, I’m sorry to inform you that the ending to the story was not nearly as interesting as the in-between.

But in an effort to appease my readers, who undoubtedly haven’t slept a wink since I unearthed this horrific tale, I’ve put together a list of FAQs based on reader comments.  I will try my best to answer them in the thorough, thoughtful, bratass manner that’d make 1989-Angie proud.

Babysitting FAQs

What did Carol say when you arrived at her house?  Carol was not at her house when we arrived but was instead driving around town looking for me.  So I sat in her driveway in a pick-up truck with the nice, sweaty man and his 10-year-old daughter, and we tried to do small talk about everything except that a stranger just walked in off the street and babysat a person’s children without parental permission or awareness.

Carol then arrived at her house with her two daughters in tow, apologized profusely for our “crossed wires” and zoomed off to her hot date.  I recall little else except that I let her kids eat directly out of a peanut butter jar instead of going to bed and made her youngest sit in wet pants for the night so I wouldn’t have to change her diaper.  Needless to say, I was never asked back.

Did someone pay you for your time?  Carol might’ve paid me.  Or I might’ve just said, “Hey, you don’t have to pay me.  What if we say this whole night never happened?  Here’s a stick of Juicy Fruit gum for your trouble.”

Is this your entry in Darla’s most-embarrassing-story-from-your-childhood-ever contest?  Yes.  Details to follow.

Did you ever see that family again?  Yes.  Every year on the anniversary of the night of our Big Misunderstanding, we reunited on Oprah’s talk show to recount what happened and how much our lives have changed since then.  Actually, I never saw any of them again.  Except for the 10-year-old who I’d bump into on occasion in school and pretend to have never met in my life.

Ooh!  Elizabeth Shue!  Wasn’t she great in Cocktail?  No.

Is there anything else you would like to say about this experience that no one asked you and that you would like to ask yourself in an FAQ format?  Just that I felt I really missed the boat there.  The nice, sweaty man was obviously a single dad and Carol was obviously a single mom.  I had a unique opportunity to play Hayley Mills in The Parent Trap, and I failed.

***

Survey says!

People who liked Adventures in Babysitting the Wrong Hellions also liked (1) Ex-Lax Poop March, (2) Cat Scratch Fiasco, (3) Lederhosen Nightmare and (4) Electric Fence Zap Mishap.

These four wonderfully awful stories of youthful humiliation, including the one from yours truly,  are up for a vote here at the blog She’s A Maineiac.  Please pay my fellow contestants the gift of sympathy and a vote or two would be nice as well.   Polling closes on Monday.

The contest winner will get a Maine gift box, to include a red lobster-shaped lollipop identical to the one I’ve wanted nearly all of my life since I first saw one on Darla’s blog last week.

60 Comments leave one →
  1. July 31, 2012 10:24 pm

    I see I have some catching up to do! – Worrywart (this is my old classroom gravatar which pretty much exemplifies how far behind I am in the blogging world aka I’m not signed in).

    I feel very guilty about 1) not responding to your really sweet comment on my last post and 2) not keeping up with my favorite writers.

    At this point, I’m just hoping to stop by now and then AND/OR be your housesitter in Hollywood when you hit the big time (I’m serious – you know I love your blog!).

    • August 2, 2012 3:10 pm

      I miss you! No guilt; no worries! None. Don’t even think about it. I’m just so thrilled to see you around, old friend.

      Hollywood? Come on. I wouldn’t last a minute in Hollywood. At least, not without a really good housesitter. Glad to know you’re available.

  2. August 1, 2012 6:31 am

    This voting is hard work. Thank goodness I get to go into the little booth and Peg can’t see me stuffing the ballot box for you.

    • August 1, 2012 9:46 am

      I see everything. I know everything. I am the eye in the sky.

    • August 2, 2012 3:10 pm

      I owe you.

      • August 2, 2012 3:24 pm

        I had planned to write a slightly different comment to Peg, but before I could she caught me here and called me on the carpet. These freaking contests are brutal. I’m almost relieved that I didn’t make the finals – to be frank, my embarrassment story wasn’t all that embarrassing. Also, for the record, Peg’s post was absolutely stellar. Her recounting the now famous “Brown Plate Special” was hysterical. While poopy pants generally trump wrong addresses, you had the advantage of connecting to an iconic movie. Sadly for Peg, there have been scant movie plots revolving around ill-timed laxative function, except Porky’s 5, which was big in Europe. Be that as it may, I’m pulling for a tie.

      • August 2, 2012 3:26 pm

        I swear to you that when I submitted my story to Darla for the contest, I prefaced it with “this doesn’t involve bodily fluids so it probably won’t go far.” Bodily fluid stories always trump all. That’s just a fact of life.

        I have a great story about a dog poop leash that could win me big bucks. I’ll have to save it for just the right contest.

      • August 2, 2012 3:29 pm

        got a good dog poop story…just hideous, thanks for the reminder. I’d give you props when and if I write and/or posts it, but really, who wants to read their name in that context? “I’d like to thank Angie Z. for reminding me of this great dog-crap story. Thanks Ang, you inspire my tales of malodorous magic!”

      • August 2, 2012 3:34 pm

        I think you’re wrong about that and you have underestimated my love for poop stories. I’d love to be linked in a dog poop story. Sometime if you have loads of time on your hands, you should read about my animal poop adventures.
        http://childhoodrelived.com/2012/01/09/a-llama-walks-into-a-dentist-office/

      • August 2, 2012 3:44 pm

        I promise I’ll get there and take a look – I mean, if we’re talking kaka, I’m obligated to take a peak, right? In the spirit of full disclosure, the dog dootie story also involves safe sex, so you have the right to withdraw having your name anywhere near it.

      • August 2, 2012 3:46 pm

        Hmmmmm. This is getting very strange now. Not with the dog, right?

      • August 2, 2012 3:50 pm

        Unrelated to sexual relations with a dog, yet interrelated….tell you what, I’ll give you props, but make it clear that you had no prior knowldge of the role of safe sex in the post….I’m starting to have worries that this comment stream will end up more amusing than my actual post.

      • August 2, 2012 3:55 pm

        Print screen of the comment chain. Voila! Instant blog post.

      • August 2, 2012 4:02 pm

        Funny thing…either i have comment strings going like crazy, or I’m sitting alone drinking and sad. I was gooing back and forth with you about dog crap and safe sex and giving props, when another reader was commenting about a post of hers which i had commented on, and she called me “1point” to which i replied, “please, call me Dave”

        Now i have duel fears:

        1. I sent the call me Dave comment ot you
        2. I sent her one about dog crap and safe sex!!!

      • August 2, 2012 4:04 pm

        Either way, they work perfectly in both scenarios.

        Thanks for the comment, dog crap safe sex.

      • August 2, 2012 4:05 pm

        It’s a shame I already have a blog name, because dogcrapsafesex could have been a good one

      • August 2, 2012 4:15 pm

        Just think of your google search referrals alone!

      • August 2, 2012 4:18 pm

        true,…fyi; just put notes in for new post along with proper credit to you. lord knows when I’ll get to it.

      • August 2, 2012 4:24 pm

        Seriously, no credit needed! I guess this comment train could’ve ended years ago had I said that up front.

      • August 2, 2012 4:28 pm

        don’t be silly…these types of exchanges are where i get some great ideas…and waste copious amounts of time

  3. August 1, 2012 6:47 am

    You should set up a blog hop of horrible babysitting stories. None of mine are as mortifying as yours, but I’ve got some weird ones.

    • August 1, 2012 9:47 am

      I started one by also blogging about babysitting today. Angie is such an inspiration.

      • August 2, 2012 3:12 pm

        I will be reading that shortly. Thank you for the bloggy shout-out.

    • August 2, 2012 3:12 pm

      I will be waiting for your babysitting blog post. No, really. I’ll be waiting for that so don’t disappoint me.

      • August 2, 2012 6:31 pm

        I have quite a few. I’ll see what I can come up with just for you.

      • August 2, 2012 7:45 pm

        Oh, happy days! By the way, I haven’t forgotten your generosity with the items you sent me. I will have a blog post that will feature them soon. If I can wrestle the Care Bears book away from my kids.

      • August 3, 2012 8:19 pm

        You are the tops, Heather!

      • August 3, 2012 9:21 pm

        As long as I am not the bottoms. I have nothing to go with my leg warmers.

      • August 3, 2012 10:00 pm

        Understandable. That’s a very common dilemma.

  4. August 1, 2012 9:45 am

    You’re right, that would have been amazing if Carol and Mike (sweaty guy) got married at the end. And you attended their wedding, but you brought your big shaggy dog and he chased their cat down the buffet table and Mike fell into the wedding cake.

    • August 2, 2012 3:13 pm

      All because of the damn feral cat Fluffy — who was never spoken of again after that episode. And of course Tiger comes out smelling like roses. I’m bitter still, if that’s not obvious.

  5. August 1, 2012 9:48 am

    Just wanted to say that all the FAQs are fab and all, but what really brings me back is the eyebrow-penciled, deer in the headlights Lenore face whenever I come to your blog.

    • August 2, 2012 3:14 pm

      I’m trying to figure out if I really need to replace Lenore with my newest Dymomite! winner. Surely they can somehow share the spotlight?

  6. August 1, 2012 10:13 am

    Still one of my favorite stories. And even better that you made it to her house.

    I babysat for a couple whose kids watched the dad’s X-rated movies. They used to tell me where they were hidden and what was on them. Needless to say, I preferred the Mrs. to give me a ride home at night.

  7. August 1, 2012 11:12 am

    Elizabeth Shue is wonderful in everything. You watch it there, missy.

    Okay, except Cocktail. But she’s so wonderful in Adventures in Babysitting that it sloshes over in to other films.

    • August 1, 2012 5:04 pm

      “…the hippy, hippy shake!!!”

      • August 2, 2012 3:20 pm

        You are the theme song queen.

      • August 2, 2012 4:05 pm

        It’s my new goal in life to leave only songs in all my future comments on everyone’s blog. You’ll have to just imagine what my voice sounds like singing them. I just left one on Paul’s and Ape’s…

      • August 2, 2012 4:06 pm

        Perfect. But you can never, ever use “buh, buh, buh, buh, buuuuuuh.” Never. That’s our song.

      • August 2, 2012 4:12 pm

        haha! Oh, no. Never that.

        buh-buh buh-buh buuuuuuh…

        I think that is how I should end every one of my comments just for this sh*ts and giggles.

    • August 2, 2012 3:19 pm

      Best performance ever is Adventures in Babysitting. Leaving Las Vegas? Pffffft. Karate Kid ran a close second. Cocktail might be the most forgettable blockbuster movie of the ’80s. Also, just one word — mullets.

  8. August 1, 2012 5:03 pm

    You have a point. I don’t think anyone was ‘great’ in Cocktail.

    Who IS that sweet cherub-faced beam of sunshine at the end of your post? That girl is nothing short of a pure delight in her tortoise-shell specs!

    • August 1, 2012 5:06 pm

      “here’s a stick of Juicy Fruit gum for your trouble” killed me. Your entire post did. When are you going to get a job writing a column or for a magazine?

      “juicy fruit, the taste, the taste, the taste that’s gonna moooooove ya!”

      • August 2, 2012 3:21 pm

        Another theme song. Seriously. You need to get a job writing a column about theme songs.

      • August 2, 2012 3:21 pm

        Wait a second. Old theme songs — your next blog post. Get to work.

      • August 2, 2012 4:17 pm

        Done.

    • August 2, 2012 3:20 pm

      I thought that kid was a picture of me. She’s not? Oh, right. I didn’t wear glasses. And I wasn’t cute. Oops, my mistake.

      • August 2, 2012 4:01 pm

        How did I not notice the Darlishness of that photo? I thought it was taken before you got contacts..like at age 3.

      • August 2, 2012 4:03 pm

        I couldn’t save DarDar’s coffee-sipping gravatar photo. Why? I don’t know. So I went with the next best thing. Although, in my opinion, the best thing.

      • August 2, 2012 4:17 pm

        Nothing beats a girl in ugly glasses!

      • August 2, 2012 4:17 pm

        Get this. Peg just commented that she thought it was me. Ha! We’re the same person now! It’s just like I always dreamed!

      • August 2, 2012 4:21 pm

        Wait a sec..it’s no dream.

        We do look eerily similar. Blonde hair? check. Goofy face? check. Vacant, clueless look in our eyes? check.

        The similarities are striking! We are the same person.

  9. August 1, 2012 6:44 pm

    How did you know I was going to ask those exact same questions? ;-)

    You should have consulted The Babysitter’s Club Handbook beforehand. Kristy would have known what to do. :-)

    Have you ever seen Elisabeth Shue in the Lifetime movie “First Born?” She plays a woman who has a baby and suffers extreme PPD. Such a far cry from Adventures in Babysitting, but notable to watch nonetheless!

    • August 2, 2012 3:23 pm

      Aw, darnit. I missed those books. When those books came out, I had already graduated to Sweet Valley High. Okay, not really. I was so in over my head with those books. But I thought I was too old for The Babysitters Club. My niece is waaaaay into them now.

      Lifetime movie and Elizabeth Shue. Sounds like a marriage made in B movie heaven.

  10. August 2, 2012 10:50 pm

    LOL Love it. And you’re right about Elizabeth Shue. The only halfway decent film she made was The Karate Kid.

    Back to the Future Part II, anyone?

    • August 3, 2012 8:19 pm

      Ugh. Back to the Future Part II and III. Totally, completely forgettable.

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