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Dear Angie, I Pinky Promise That I Did Not Eat Any of Those Stickers

August 13, 2012

Please welcome Jessica of the blog Jessseeker who is today guest-posting at Childhood Relived.  

Or, actually, her 7-year-old self is guest-posting.  

Or, actually, this is her old pen pal letter to me.  That I, um, found in a box somewhere.  For more on our pen pal letters, click here and it’ll all make sense.  You know, like how dolphins and rainbows together make sense.

***

3rd August 1989

Dear Angie,

I do hope George Washington’s mother grounded him for playing with that axe?  My mum won’t even let me play with scissors.  Please tell him he owes me one cherry tree — you can forward my address.

I had a pet caterpillar named George once.  George Harrison, actually.  He made a crystallist, napped for a really long time and then turned into a beautiful flutterby.  He was so pretty that I renamed him Kylie Minogue.  After Kylie Minogue.

Thanks for your letter about rainbows, hotdogs and Dolly Parton’s boobs.  I love the Care Bear paper you wrote it on.  May I have some please?  You can have it back later, only with words on.

I pinky promise that I did not eat any of those stickers you sent me, but I might have licked the one with a crab on because I wanted to know what crabs taste like.  They just taste of glue — so don’t lick crabs unless you like glue.

I was not sure what to do with the Kool-Aid powder, so I fed it to the dog.

Is Gonzo the Muppet with a nose like a tap?  Because if he is then I also think he is a tool.  Is ‘tool’ another word for ‘poo head’?

I checked with my mum and she says that if I really want to be a Princess one day then I need to marry Prince William.  So I am going to write a letter asking him to marry me.  He is bound to say yes because I am a catch.  Plus, I like castles.

A lady named Margaret Thatcher runs our country.  She is made of iron and looks a bit like the Queen, only scarier.  If you want to know what the Queen looks like -– please see the postage stamp.

The Queen no longer cuts off people’s heads when she’s mad.  I think the axe must be too heavy for her now that she is old.

Can you be the President one day if you like?  It must be easy peasy because my mum says your President gets to say funny things and make up words like ‘unugly’.  I am funny and make up words like nuggledy, so I think I would be a natural.

I have enclosed photos of me and my brother Joe, which were taken for our Taekwondo licences.  We had to sign to say that when we learn the Vulcan death grip, we will not use it on anyone unless we really, really have to.  Like if they steal our sandwiches.

I like Joe.  Sometimes he puts on one of his magic gloves and dances like Michael Jackson.

I hope to hear from you very soon.  I shall check the post tomorrow.

Your best friend forever, from England,

Jessica, age 7¼

Ps.  I also drew some pictures for you.  The first one is of Snoopy under a rainbow, with a dolphin.  Because I can draw Snoopy and you like rainbows and dolphins.

The second one is my future pet giraffe Elmo on roller-skates, eating a peanut-butter sandwich with a dinosaur.  I did not trace them or anything, but my mum might have helped me a little bit.

23 Comments leave one →
  1. August 13, 2012 2:15 pm

    I’ve learned so much from the younger Jessica. I did not know unugly was a word, but will attempt to use it daily.

    • August 13, 2012 3:58 pm

      I wish I could take all the credit for ‘unugly’, but that goes to George. Quite the wordsmith you know. Nuggledy is the really challenge to get into everyday conversation. Let me know if you manage it. :)

  2. August 13, 2012 2:22 pm

    I’m dying here. This was hilarious!!!

    • August 13, 2012 3:59 pm

      Oh Rosy, please don’t die! How will you read Angie’s response?! Thank you so much. I hope you make a full recovery. ;)

  3. Emily Liston permalink
    August 13, 2012 3:08 pm

    That’s so awesome!

    • August 13, 2012 4:01 pm

      Thank you Emily, I was quite a entertaining as a child – right up until The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Then I couldn’t compete with Carlton Banks. He’s the funniest man alive. Have you seen his foxtrot?

  4. August 13, 2012 5:45 pm

    These letters are awesome!! It makes me want to dig up some of the letters from my past penpals.

    • August 16, 2012 1:02 am

      Oh Audrey, please do dig them out! Do yours also have pictures of your pet giraffe on roller skates, eating a peanut butter sandwich with his friend mister dinosaur? All the cool kids drew that sort of thing… :)

  5. August 14, 2012 12:23 am

    great letter, really made me smile, as did your brothers eyes, not sure if he is excited or terrified of an upcoming taekwondo lesson

    • August 16, 2012 1:04 am

      Thank you Ruth. It was the first time he’d ever been in a photo booth and I think he was VERY excited! That was his shocked face when the flash bulb went off. He also pulled that face when he licked a battery for a dare.

    • August 20, 2012 8:57 pm

      I loved that picture too!

  6. August 14, 2012 2:00 pm

    I love your artwork! Wish 7-year-old me could be pen pals with both you and Angie, but references to the Black Plague and other fun stuff from my childhood probably wouldn’t resonate quite as much as Care Bears.

    • August 16, 2012 1:09 am

      Why thank you Pegoleg, it took me a good 10 minutes to draw – just days, I mean years ago.

      The Black Plague could be funny! Enough time has passed methinks for this, If it had happened last month, then probably not. Care Bears rock! There would be no wars if they ruled the world. :)

    • August 20, 2012 8:59 pm

      Oh, Peg. I love when you tell old stories about the Black Plague and your days working the coal mine. It makes me want to gather around the fire and sit at your feet with other small children while you talk into the night in a gravely voice. Later, if we’re lucky, perhaps you’ll work shadow puppets into the folklore.

  7. August 14, 2012 9:19 pm

    I love your drawings so much!! I can’t draw that good at 47!! I found some of my old penpal letters a few months ago. We used to put a wax seal on them, and our initials were stamped in the wax. It was the coolest thing. I had a pen pal I met at the beach when I was 8 and kept up until we were in high school. Wonder where she is now.

    • August 16, 2012 1:16 am

      Thanks Liz, Don’t feel too bad, they might have been drawn a few days ago by a 29 year old IT Analyst – not several years ago by a seven year old expert cartwheeler person.

      Wax seals were awesome! My mother helped me create one once from a red candle and a potato print. I was so proud, it went on my pin board.

      Look her up on Facebook! You never know, you might be able to find her and reminis about all those places sand got. Like in your socks. What was that about? ;)

  8. August 15, 2012 7:53 am

    The pictures at the end were perfection (I mean too perfect like your mum helped you, either that or my girls draw really, really badly). I loved your names for the pupa and the butterfly – awesome!! Might have to steal those. Thanks for guest-posting, Jess, so that Angie can get a nice long break. You’re a shoe-in over here. :)

    • August 16, 2012 1:20 am

      Shannon, you’ve got me. I might have drawn them the other day. In my defence – I did frequently draw very similar artworks containing Snoopy, rainbows, dolphins, dinosaurs, giraffes on roller skates and peanut butter sandwiches as a child. The letter might also have been written a little more recently then stated. Drat and double drat!

      Steal away! I really did use those names! I thought Kylie was the most beautifullest lady who walked the earth – and George Harrison seemed to work because he was also a bug (Beatle) in real life. ;)

  9. August 15, 2012 10:25 pm

    I had a penpal once. Literally, just once we wrote one letter back and forth each and then I never wrote her back….Oops.

    Such an awesome post! Angie has some cool blogger friends :)

    • August 16, 2012 1:25 am

      Don’t feel bad m’lady. I think I had about 12 pen pals through the years. Writing letters was such an effort at that age. I managed about 3 sentences and got bored.

      I found writing in really big handwriting made it look longer (or so I thought). I was convincing no-one… ;) Thank you!

    • August 20, 2012 9:02 pm

      I wrote my first pen pal Emma just two or three times — she wrote about collecting rubbers (which I’ve since learned were actually pencil erasers in England). Perhaps I should’ve kept writing her to hear what other things she collected.

  10. August 20, 2012 8:31 pm

    I would like you to use “nuggedly” in a sentence, Jess. Preferably in a sentence also containing dolphins, rainbows and Snoopy. I, too, am in love with the bewildered expression (yet joyful?) of your brother. Taekwondo has a tendency to do that to kids.

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