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The Most Memorable Food Mascots of My Childhood

November 5, 2012

Did I like food as a kid?  Yes and no.  If you count Tang powder as a food, then yes.  If you consider food only to be that which contains nutrients and falls within a pyramid structure, then no.

But that’s where the food mascots came in.  Yes, it always helped fuel my appetite to have a food mascot bouncing around the television set on a Saturday morning, telling me that food tastes Grrreat!, telling me that food is fun, that I should eat food.

Here are a few food mascots that have stayed with me over the years.

1.)  Mr. Salty.  I once loved salt so much that I would privately binge on Play-Doh under the preschool table.  My mother even gave me my own salt shaker, which she placed next to my plate when she set the table — right next to my blood pressure monitor.  So Mr. Salty’s very name made my mouth water.

And just look at him.  He’s a sailor, he’s salty and he’s adorable.  If Mr. Peanut is the standoffish monocle-wearing aristocrat, Mr. Salty is the lovable everyday working bloke.

2.) Mayor McCheese.  I love cheese.  I want to make-out with cheese, marry it and appoint it Mayor of the Land of Edible Food-like Products.  Oh, where have you gone, Mayor McCheese?  What have they done with you?

Sadly, Mayor McCheese was last seen fighting to place government regulations on super-sized sodas.  He was never heard from in McDonaldland again.

3.)  Sonny.  I have a theory that Nancy Reagan would’ve fared much better with her drug war had she scrapped the Just Say No campaign and borrowed a lesson from Cocoa Puffs cereal.  Call me cuckoo, but I never once touched the chocolatey smack.  Because that Sonny scared me straight.  Cocoa Puffs looked good, sure, but see what happens when you get your fix?

Here we have a picture of a throwback Sonny seen holding a coke spoon and stumbling out of the old Studio 54.

4.)  Birdie.  The details are vague.  I couldn’t tell you what her voice sounded like, what special mascot powers she possessed, or even what she has to do with McDonald’s.  Is she Big Bird’s illegitimate child?  Did she lay an Egg McMuffin?  What I do know is that Birdie was a pioneer, one of the first female food mascots I recall.  (It’s been speculated that Grimace was also female.  However, no external sex organs exist to prove this.)

Boys had a role model in the brave and beefy Tony the Tiger.  But we girls had to settle for Aunt Jemima — who spent her day in the kitchen.  Legal status, questionable.  Inappropriateness, undeniable.  Whereas Birdie was apparently an airplane pilot.  She also had her red hair in braids, which was undoubtedly McDonald’s middle finger to the Wendy’s mascot.

5.)  The Kool-Aid Pitcher.  Having been raised in Nebraska, home of the inventor of Kool-Aid, I could not fail to include the Kool-Aid pitcher on my list.  What is he?  He’s the Kool-Aid pitcher.  What does he do?  He walks around and pours Kool-Aid.  And he breaks down walls and stuff.

Okay, seriously, this is the best they could do?  A freakin’ pitcher that breaks down walls?  Who’s not even close to being as badass as Punchy the Hawaiian Punch guy.  A little marketing tip — if you’re dull enough to make your mascot an inanimate food container, at least give him some snappy punchlines like the Parkay margarine tub.  You know, make him seem relevant to the conversation.

6.)  The Pillsbury Doughboy.  It wouldn’t be the same without him, but it almost pains me to put the Pillsbury Doughboy on my list.  He’s lame.  And I can’t take that people are always poking at him like a pregnant stranger’s belly.  Evil-me wants to toss him in a closet with the Hamburger Helper hand to see what would happen.  But then, I couldn’t stand hearing that obnoxious giggle again and again.

7.)  The Noid.  He’s not exactly iconic, he’s not typically memorable, but the Noid was cutting-edge.  Hey, he was stop-motion animation, he was claymation for crying out loud!  It was the wave of the ’80s!  More groundbreaking than the California Raisins?  No.  But those dudes made raisins sound good.  Big deal.  The Noid made us forget that Domino’s pizza sucked.

8.)  King Halfsies.  You’re going, “Who the hell?”  Well, I’ll be honest, I really don’t know.  I mean, I don’t even know if his name is King Halfsies.  I will assume it is, given the fact that he represents Halfsies cereal and rules over Halfsiesland.

Here’s the thing —  King Halfsies did what not a darn one of these above mascots achieved.  He made me want to eat something that actually qualified as food.  He made me want to eat this cereal, this cereal that probably tasted like boiled sweatsocks, this cereal called “Halfsies” because it had “half the sugar of sugar-coated cereals.”  But I didn’t know that.  I just knew that everyone in the village of Halfsiesland was dressed half different and ate out of half a bowl.  And I could half-heartedly get on board with that schtick.

Legend has it that a box of Halfsies cereal remained in my family’s kitchen pantry for over two straight years.  It was half-eaten.

93 Comments leave one →
  1. November 5, 2012 6:01 am

    Oh, the Kool Aid Pitcher. Still gives me night horrors. Couldn’t they make him a little more dainty… a little less likely to smash through a wall and snatch you at night?

    • November 10, 2012 4:53 pm

      No kidding, Tori! Who the hell makes a glass pitcher into a strongman? My own glass pitcher is less Hulk Hogan and more Donna Reed.

  2. November 5, 2012 6:15 am

    They should make Halfsies Dominos pizza. :D

  3. November 5, 2012 6:16 am

    I forgot about the Kool-Aid pitcher. That was one of my favorites.

    • November 10, 2012 4:53 pm

      He does have quite the winning, though frozen in one place for all of eternity, smile.

  4. November 5, 2012 6:40 am

    I have a very vague memory of a Noid video game. I loved and hated the Noid. He gave me the same creeped out feelings as Alf, whom I also loved and hated. I love your King Halfsies story.

    • November 5, 2012 1:09 pm

      When my brother was in high school, the Noid was big. A kid running for student council put up a poster that said “Avoid the Noid, vote for Floyd!” Another student put up a poster that said “Avoid Floyd, vote for the Noid.” Ah, politics.

      • November 10, 2012 4:57 pm

        You have no idea how much I love that story! For some reason this reminds me that in High School Homecoming Week circa 1991, my class’s winning hall decorating contest entry consisted of large hanging fruit and streamers that stated “Bonkers bonks you out!”

      • November 10, 2012 7:47 pm

        I remember when I got to high school and the upper grades hung paper fish from the ceiling around our lockers. We were so clever then!

    • November 10, 2012 4:54 pm

      The Noid video game? That really happened? I thought I just invented that concept while spaced out and playing Mario Brothers for the 48,000th time.

      • November 16, 2012 11:43 am

        No, it really happened back in the NES days. Even worse than that was the Kool-Aid game that came out for the Atari 2600. Other “mascots” had video games back in the day as well. The 7up Spot had a game and so did corporate rock stooges Journey.

      • November 16, 2012 11:05 pm

        Cool Spot the 7up guy — I’d argue the most overrated character in marketing history. A mascot centered around a useless punctuation mark in a product name. Bizarre. Who could forget him! But I certainly forgot he had a video game. I can’t believe he didn’t have his own Saturday morning cartoon.

      • November 16, 2012 11:08 pm

        The Cool Spot game even spawned a sequel, believe it or not! I’m glad that’s one mascot that retired gracefully.

      • November 16, 2012 11:16 pm

        If there actually exists a sequel to the movie Breakin’, anything is possible, my friend.

  5. November 5, 2012 6:43 am

    I remember all of these but Halfsies. My favorite, though, were any of the McDonald’s guys. And the Green Giant, though he never made me eat anything green. Great post, Angie. I haven’t really thought about the food mascots our kids have to deal with. Boy, we had a lot.

    • November 10, 2012 5:56 pm

      We don’t have cable TV (I’ve probably stated this a million times before) and my kids TV-watching mostly consists of Netflix. So they rarely see commercials. I bet when my kids do see food mascots, at the grandparents’ house or whatnot, their novelty status makes them twice as tantalizing and persuasive.

  6. November 5, 2012 6:53 am

    Boiled socks aren’t crunchy. Try used gym socks. That’ll give you the idea.

    Actually, I do not remember Halfsies. At all. I do remember the Kool-Aid guy and always wondered why everyone was so happy to see him when he caused so much destruction. Does homeowners’ insurance cover Kool-Aid guy?

    • November 10, 2012 5:58 pm

      You are indeed a woman who knows her smelly sweat socks!

      I doubt anyone remembers Halfsies but me. And I only remember them because I had a two-year reminder sitting in our kitchen pantry.

  7. November 5, 2012 7:01 am

    I love it-a pretzel as sailor…

    • November 10, 2012 5:59 pm

      I like me a man in uniform. Especially one covered in salt.

  8. November 5, 2012 7:10 am

    I think the Noid made me dislike Domino’s even more than I already did. He was a little twerp.

    • November 10, 2012 6:00 pm

      What is up with his bunny ears? What the heck is he? Oh, yes — he’s a noid.

  9. November 5, 2012 7:39 am

    The kool aid man..Oh Yeah!!!

  10. November 5, 2012 8:05 am

    King Vitamin. Presumably I would have been most familiar with the second one. Not until today, however, could I have told you his crown was made with spoons.

    I remember always wanting this cereal, and I know my mother bought it for me, but I have absolutely no idea what it tasted like. Apparently I could still find out, though.

    • November 16, 2012 9:44 pm

      Yes, I think I saw King Vitamin in the grocery store recently! I remember King Vitamin but never had a bowl. I find it rather creepy to see a human mascot on a cereal box. Sorta ranks right up there with the newfangled Burger King man.

  11. jamielynne82 permalink
    November 5, 2012 8:42 am

    hahahaha!! I was just thrown back to the days of getting an ice cream at McDonald’s with my brother, sister and every neighborhood kid. Love it!

    • November 16, 2012 9:47 pm

      Good ol’ McDonald’s. And don’t forget about the little boxes of cookies you could get there! Later I think those same McDonald’s cookies were refashioned into the Cookie Crisp cereal. “I’m eating cookies for breakfast!” Ah, it was good to be a kid.

  12. November 5, 2012 8:48 am

    1. I love the idea of Mr. Salty, since it conjures images of a swearing sailor. “Eat my ******* pretzels, you *** ****, *******, ****** – *****, son of *******!”

    2. It is amazing that anything on God’s green earth could make Domino’s seem less awful. The slogan should have been “Avoid the Noid! And Domino’s, because we’re gross!”

    • November 16, 2012 9:51 pm

      1. How until now did I not recognize the potential play on the slang form of “salty”? Thank you for pointing out the obvious that apparently hit me in the face, ricocheted off my forehead and left a dent on my laptop screen — and yet I still didn’t spot its brilliance.

      2. Domino’s has great big dough balls for actually remarketing themselves as “the pizza that once tasted like crap but now is…’not bad’.”

  13. November 5, 2012 9:03 am

    I always wondered if “noid” was short for “annoyed”? Brilliant post, Ang. FP-worthy for sure!

    • November 16, 2012 9:41 pm

      The Noid was actually supposed to be short for annoyed! No joke!

      Thanks, Peg. You are too kind. Since this post is getting rather long in the tooth, I think the Freshly Pressed ship has sailed out to sea. It’s okay. Mr. Salty is getting his land legs back.

  14. November 5, 2012 9:46 am

    I believe that Mr. Salty and the CrackerJack Kid were in the mascot navy together.

    Here’s an obscure McDonald’s mascot that most people don’t remember.

    • November 6, 2012 11:14 am

      I do!!!!

    • November 16, 2012 9:34 pm

      Great retro clip! Would you believe I’ve never had a Shamrock shake? Did Mom even buy us milkshakes? I have no memory of ever having a milkshake as a kid. Dilly bars, popsicles, ice cream sandwiches, yes. Milkshakes, never.

  15. November 5, 2012 12:03 pm

    Oh, I was seriously coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs. Or anything sweet and sugary that made me hyper. The Kool-Aid guy terrified me way back then. Now, Mr. Salty makes me feel a heart attack coming on!

    • November 16, 2012 9:31 pm

      Do not fear Mr. Salty. Mr. Salty is your friend. He tastes like sea water, thus the lovable sailor garb.

      • November 16, 2012 9:33 pm

        Doesn’t he have gonorrhea?

    • November 16, 2012 9:36 pm

      Yes. Wait, gonorrhea or scurvy?

      • November 16, 2012 9:42 pm

        Probably both. That guy gets around!

  16. November 5, 2012 12:36 pm

    External sex organs on Grimace. That would have been a very funny addition to that shapeless blob. Who the hell names a food-hawking purple blob Grimace!? Grimace is what you do when you eat something that tastes like shit! Brilliant.

    • November 16, 2012 9:26 pm

      Your comment makes me realize that Grimace really requires further examination. No, not relative to the sex organs. I just want to know more about him/her. Where the name came from, why the purple coloring, what he/she has to do with hamburgers and clogged arteries. Oh dear God, is Grimace an artery clog? So many questions.

  17. November 5, 2012 1:10 pm

    The Hamburger Helper Hand and the Pillsbury Dough boy? Ohhh noooo. I remember some comedian said they found the Pillsbury Dough boy’s body. It was cooked to a golden brown.

  18. November 5, 2012 3:17 pm

    The Noid!! Oh, how the memories, they do flood.

    I have never heard of Halfsies, nor King Halfsies. He actually looks half kind half knight, so are you sure he’s not Sir King Halfsies?

    • November 16, 2012 9:22 pm

      Misty, I want to believe he was actually Sir King Halfsies. But that sounds way more cool than I would give him credit for.

      Whatever you do, avoid the Noid.

  19. November 5, 2012 5:08 pm

    Mr. Salty and Mayor McCheese need to have a delicious baby that climbs into my mouth.

  20. November 5, 2012 7:20 pm

    I don’t remember Halfsies either. Doesn’t sound like anything that’d make kids jump in excitement to eat it.

    • November 16, 2012 9:19 pm

      Oh, this kid jumped in excitement alright. Dienna, you haven’t lived until you’ve jumped inside a world where everything is cut in half. .

  21. November 5, 2012 7:56 pm

    Anyone remember Burger Chef and Jeff, mascots for the 1970’s Burger Chef fast food chain? Or Grins & Smiles & Giggles & Laugh cereal, which had a cereal-making machine named Cecil as its mascot? Good times.

    • November 16, 2012 9:17 pm

      Burger Chef? What is that? Aw, man! I’m retroactively envious that I missed out on an entire fast food chain!

      • November 17, 2012 6:55 pm

        They had a “funmeal,” which was the predecessor to the Happy Meal. Paul Winchell was the voice of Burger Chef.

      • December 2, 2012 9:51 pm

        Ooh, interesting. Still not familiar :( I missed out, I can tell.

  22. November 5, 2012 8:03 pm

    Frosted Flakes was the only cereal I would eat, and that was solely because of Tony the Tiger. He was the one cereal mascot that didn’t seem lame to me, I guess because he was athletic, and I was into sports. I, too, had nightmares about the Kool-Aid Man busting down walls — the Hawaiian Punch guy was annoying and violent, but he wasn’t randomly destructive.

    • November 16, 2012 9:14 pm

      Tony the Tiger was a man’s man for sure. If I expanded this post topic to include mascots of non-food products, we could get into the Brawny and Michelin men. Those guys invented testosterone.

  23. November 5, 2012 9:06 pm

    Sorry, Pillsbury dough boy is adorable. At one point, I wanted my first son to be him for Halloween cuz he had the cute little belly…actually, it was betweeen PDB and Mr. Stay Puft. Stay Puft won, but I never did find an infant sized costume……..sigh.

    Frosted Flakes were totally GGGRRRREEEAAAT! Did you ever eat Honey Smaks? The one with the frog for a mascot? That cereal totally made your pee smell, but it was so good…

    • November 16, 2012 9:11 pm

      Mr. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man scares me! But that has everything to do with Ghostbusters.

      Honey Smacks makes your pee smell? What is it, made from asparagus or something?

      • November 18, 2012 6:16 pm

        I swear, I think asparagus may just be the culprit!!! It smelled just like it! Haha!

  24. November 5, 2012 9:17 pm

    These are fabulous! I remember all of them except Halfsies, which I’m convinced you made up to see if anyone would call you on it. You’re so busted! And I LOVE your rationale for staying away from Cocoa Puffs. I only wish I had your restraint and good sense. To this day, I would mainline Cocoa Puffs if I could. Great post!

    • November 16, 2012 9:09 pm

      Ha! You’re so right that Halfsies sounds completely fabricated! I wish I could be so clever as to take an adjective and ad “ies” to the end of it to form a children’s breakfast cereal. I just now tried and all I could come up with was Mushies. My marketing career is over.

  25. November 6, 2012 11:18 am

    You just rock – I love each and everyone of your posts… I’m glad that Jennifer B noted the Hawaiin Punch guy – “Punchy” I loved him too. Last Halloween a group went as the mascots of the cereals here… Have to say Tony was a hottie! But I enjoyed seeing the Cap’t – Crunch that is…
    Last.. Does anyone remember all of the “hybrid” Koolaid guys – it was another kind of drink mix and there were plastic mugs – Maybe Mugs was in the name?? but there was a grape one, a punch one, lemon… I think about 7 or 8… Would love to recall that one- Steph – can you get on the case of this search?? They were around time of Googleyes peanut butter too!

    • November 13, 2012 10:53 am

      apologies, – I did mean Angie – your young pic looks so much like a girl I went to grade school with named Steph!!!

      • November 16, 2012 9:07 pm

        No worries! I don’t know about this grade school girl named Steph, but I do bear a striking resemblance to Stephanie Powers. That is if “striking” means “not similar by a long shot.”

    • November 16, 2012 9:02 pm

      I love the Halloween costumes idea! I don’t know you but I think I want to now! There is nothing that makes me happier in life (okay, outside of cats and dogs being friends) than people who put together amazing and imaginative Halloween costume ideas. Well done!

      Now here’s the part where I let you down. I did a mental keyword search and am not coming up with anything in my memory bank relating to any sort of hybrid Kool-Aid characters. I guess I will have to search the old fashioned way. Google here I come.

      • November 19, 2012 5:05 pm

        You will never let me down – b/c some days.. I only laugh or smile after reading your posts. ;)
        Here’s a write up – you inspired me: about them.
        Looking for photo – well nothing great…

        but here’s the kooll-aid knock offs – god i miss this..

        Funny Face Drink Mixes:

        I had Choo Choo Cherry, Freckface Strawberry, Goofy Grape and the Way out Watermelon – they faded in the dishwasher – sigh……
        At least you can see a great retro commercial (Great is optimal word here..)

        Thanks as always for making me smile and reminisce.

      • December 2, 2012 9:48 pm

        This was an absolute delight! Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing!

        You are always welcome around here!

  26. November 6, 2012 6:48 pm

    Ahhh food mascots. The main reason I begged my mom to buy any food was if it contained sprinkles or had a cool mascot on the front. Anyone remember King Vitamin cereal? It was one of my favorites from my childhood…plus it had super cool puzzles on the back of the box.

    • November 16, 2012 8:57 pm

      Get out! I thought of mentioning King Vitamin but worried he was too obscure to reference. And yet, apparently I believe King Halfsies is sweeping the nation.

  27. November 6, 2012 7:39 pm

    I liked the Keebler Elves. And I loved peanuts but Mr. Peanut gave me the creeps.

    • November 16, 2012 8:55 pm

      Mr. Peanut looked too much like a turn of the century robber baron to me. Industrial billionaires from the late 1800s were really creepy. Elves on the other hand? Nothing creepy there.

  28. November 6, 2012 8:30 pm

    OK, sure…the Cocoa Puffs dude was a bit of a coke-head. And yeah, I suppose the Kool-aid guy was a bit terrifying. But Mrs. Butterworth? Oh, the horror! I spent many sleepless nights afraid to fall asleep because I was convinced she would waddle her way into my room and I’d wake up to find her silently standing over me, ready to drown me in syrup.

    • November 12, 2012 7:55 am

      Get this: my mom made us lamps repurposing Ms. Butterworth syrup bottles and painting them life-like. Still haunts me. Though if I had to choose drowning, it probably would be by the maple-flavored HFCS. It’s just that good.

    • November 16, 2012 8:52 pm

      She is terrifying. When I was researching this post (yes, researching…pause for laughter), I stumbled upon a cartoon Mrs. Buttersworth magazine ad that was so bizarre that I convinced myself it had to be a spoof. Nope.

  29. November 11, 2012 4:31 pm

    Angie! This was awesome! Do you remember the Grimace? You know, the purple dude from McDonald’s? He creeped me out. We had a tree shaped like him — I had it removed. Fun post!

    • November 16, 2012 8:50 pm

      Thanks, Renee! I briefly referenced Grimace in the post above but you probably forced yourself to skip right over it since I mentioned his/her external sex organs. I know, you’re devastated that I used “sex organs” and Grimace in the same sentence, aren’t you. I know, it’s revolting.

  30. Emily permalink
    November 11, 2012 6:14 pm

    I loved this blog entry, but you forgot Popsicle Pete. Remember him? “Sun is burnin’ up, so hot you feel strange! Can’t believe the cha-a-ange, need a double treat, to-o beat the heat! Chill us out, Popsicle Pete!!! Pop-pop-popsicle! The original, Popsicle, so cool, the original cool!!!!”

    • November 16, 2012 8:47 pm

      Brace yourself, Emily. No idea who Popsicle Pete is. He’s not even sounding slightly familiar. Canadian perhaps?

  31. Emily permalink
    November 11, 2012 9:07 pm

    Oh, and what about all the other cereal mascots? There’s the Honey Nut Cheerios bee, the Trix rabbit, Lucky from Lucky Charms, the wizard-turned-lame-desktop computer, Alpha, from Alpha-Bits, Snap, Crackle, and Pop (Rice Krispies), Toucan Sam (Froot Loops), Cap’n Crunch, the (lesser-known) purple Cruncheroos dinosaur, and of course, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble, for Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles cereal. I’m not sure if they count as mascots, because the Flintstones TV show came long before the cereal (or so I’m told), but I remember them for the cereal as much as the cartoon, if not more.

    • November 16, 2012 8:46 pm

      All good ones. Yeah, I tried hard to not let the cereal mascots monopolize this post. Clearly they rule the roost in Foodmascotland and needed to be put in their place over here.

  32. November 12, 2012 7:53 am

    Wow, Angie, you’re really cranking out the great content! And this, on the eve of Election Day? No doubt your brain was stressed to the max and yet you whip up this gem of a Top 10. (Okay, I’ll give you that it became a Top when you traded the last two for staying up late watching returns and then celebrating with wine and dancing naked in the streets until the kids woke up.)

    I sometimes pull out the “Coco for Cocopuffs” in front of my kids to make them think that mom’s finally flipped out. They’re just a bit extra nice to me for a few hours afterward…buys me some time.

    • November 16, 2012 8:44 pm

      Shannon, clearly I was high on Cocoa Puffs when I wrote this. How else do you think I could gear up for the election, scrub my floor to the bare nails and pick at the open sores that are forming on my face? Man, I need to kick this thing quick.

  33. November 12, 2012 11:20 am

    First of all, how did I miss this post?! Second, I’ll go on record as saying there is something badass to me about the Kool-Aid pitcher. (I may be, ahem, drinking the Kool-Aid. …Arg. You managed to write about it without succumbing to the obvious pun. I wish I had your willpower. Excuse me, I’m going to go try to find Pilsbury crescent rolls filled with cheese… why don’t they make those? Do they make those?)

    • November 16, 2012 8:40 pm

      I don’t want to shatter your glass pitcher dreams but I bet the Mrs. Buttersworth bottle could kick the Kool-Aid pitcher’s bottom down the street and back.

      If you find out about acquiring those crescent rolls filled with cheese, do let me know, would ya?

  34. November 12, 2012 6:56 pm

    Thank you for fulfilling your promise to feature Mayor McCheese in a future article, and no thank you for reminding me of Birdie, a nightmare image I had surgically removed from my memory decades ago.

    Very fun, Angie…thanks for the trip down hell’s memory lane!

    • November 16, 2012 8:39 pm

      Mayor McCheese never breaks his campaign promises, Todd. Never.

  35. November 13, 2012 3:02 pm

    Thanks for the little trip down memory lane! I grew up with a Kool Aid pitcher in the kitchen cupboard. I loved that thing! It rarely had Kool Aid in it, but I still thought it was wonderful! I guess it held out the promise of cold sugar filled drinks at least occasionally!!!

    • November 16, 2012 8:36 pm

      Luuuuucky. I wanted my own Kool-Aid pitcher. How many packages of Kool-Aid did you have to buy to get one of those?!

  36. November 16, 2012 3:25 pm

    Okay. I was totally thinking about Birdie for possibly the first time EVER last night! Maybe my brain is psychically wired to predict old posts of yours that I haven’t read yet! Maybe??

    Random food mascot fact: My sister’s name is Wednesday, and we used to torment her by calling her Wendy. One year for Wednesday’s birthday, I went into Wendy’s ‘restaurant’ specifically to get a clean bag with the logo on it. I drew my sister’s glasses over mascot Wendy, colored her hair dark brown, and made my sister a badass birthday card out of that bag. That was probably 10 years ago and she still has it.

    Other marginally related factoid: I never ate real food growing up either, even though my mother painstakingly labored over every meal and prepared possibly the most nutritious and delicious food ever. If I could turn back time, I’d go back and gobble up every healthy meal with uber-gratitude. I was such a shit!

    • November 16, 2012 8:35 pm

      Having children proved to me that karma does exist — they’re pickier than I even was. Who doesn’t like homemade mashed potatoes and gravy? Come on!

      Great name and great birthday card, Dana! Wednesday Addams has got nuthin’ on her.

      I don’t think it’s weird that you were thinking of Birdie. Doesn’t everyone think about Birdie? Or am I the one who’s weird?


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